If sports facilities can contribute to people's health or not, has always been a controversial issue

Whether building sports facilities can contribute to people's health has always been a controversial issue. There are valid arguments on both sides which I will consider in this essay.

On the one hand, some people would argue that the construction of sports facilities would need a lot of finance and space, which would be better spent on medical establishments and health research programmes. Obviously, there is no way that sport can help people with extreme cases, such as stroke, or people who are affected with major diseases like HIV and AIDS. As a matter of fact, most mental and internal disorders do not necessarily have a correlation with sport and can only be cured with the help of science and medicine. From a religious point of view, it would be a sin to ignore the ill and focus on sports.

On the other hand, sports facilities would definitely pay off by assisting the majority of population in maintaining a healthy lifestyle. Parents who are regularly engaged in sports activities tend to have healthier children. Sports can promote young adults as they would spend most of their physical energy and would less likely be obsessed with sexual emotions. That way it can also prevent earlier sex and reduce the ever-increasing cases of sexual assault. Finally, students who go in for gym are less reported to have ADSD compared to those who do not.

Overall, I believe that the benefits of new sports facilities outweigh their drawbacks. This is as long as more people are aware of their upside.

(257 words) Please give me an estimate score, my exam is soon

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Hello, I'd like to leave some comments about your grammar.

Whether building sports facilities can contribute to people's health has always been a controversial issue. There is no subject for the verb has been

I'm going towill consider in this essay.
would be better spent onwould have been better spent
asIn the matter of fact.
internal disordersInternal diseases.
the illThe illness.
promote young adults(We can promote something, not somebody)

Hope that my help has been useful for you.

Hi Tyler, I would like to share some insights on your essay.

Overall, your analysis is good, you were able to put your ideas into writing that flowed smoothly from the beginning of the essay towards the conclusion. The writing task is quiet challenging and you are able to pull it through. Well, the thing is, you have what it takes to write, you know your set of words and you have the logic to create a well written essay.

On a different note, I read a few of your reviews, I may not be in the position to critique it, but try not to copy the entire essay and just edit a few words, this might lead to suspension and you don't like that. Suspension on Essay Forum is not a good thing to have in your activities and this is the reason why you need to provide an accurate and comprehensive essay.

I hope this insights helped!

Dear Justivy, it's very rewarding to hear that from you. Honestly I have not taken any writing course and I really lack analytical skills, and therefore giving good reviews. IMHO, most essays posted in here had lots of grammar and spelling mistakes so I thought it would help to correct them. The number of my corrections on an essay really depended, and I can have done it desperately at times, especially if I wanted to create a new thread. All in all, I'm very delighted to receive this feedback from you and will try my best not to repeat that again. This forum is very unique indeed, and I would never want to be banned. Best of luck.

Hello, I would like to share some of my thoughts about your essay.

1.(From a religious point of view, it would be a sin to ignore the ill and focus on sports.) I think that religious perspectives should be excluded, as writing an argumentative essay is always about objectivity.

2. (As a matter of fact, most mental and internal disorders do not necessarily have a correlation with sport and can only be cured with the help of science and medicine) Exercising helps to ease certain mental disorders such as depression. Since engaging in sports activities is a variant of exercise, thus sports help to alleviate mental disorders.

I hope my suggestions are constructive. Good luck!