IELTS-Task1: Sports played in New Zealand in 2002

The bar chart reveals the information about the favorite sports which were played mostly in New Zealand in 2002.
It can be clearly seen that the highest bar belonged to girls playing netball, opposed with the lowest figure of boys one.
According to the data, the most popular sport was netball enjoyed by girls, with participation rates reached the top at 25%. A similar percentage of boys was liked soccer, which was absolute their sport. There were 10% of boys also took part in cricket but nearly no girls played this sport. Besides, swimming seemed to be the popular with boys and girls, more girls preferred in this game (respectively 22% and 1%).

The others sports such as athletics, marital arts, basketball and tennis had fewer people enjoying while a significant figure of boys and girls said that they participated sports which didn't mention on the grap.

• 
  IELTS_Writing_Task_1.png
  

Hoai, you are suggested to fulfill the minimum words limit for IELTS task 1. Your words count doesn't reach the minimum of 150 words. It is unfortunate that you only write 147 words to be exact. This can be dangerous towards your band score in terms of Task Achievement. Remember, inappropriate format is only worth 5.0 in Task achievement criteria.

Also, you need to write at least 3 sentences per paragraph. Keep in mind that each paragraph of your essay needs to have at least 3 sentences in each before it can even be considered acceptable by the examiner. The idea is to have you present a complete thought and understanding of all the aspects of the chart you were provided. By limiting yourself to only 2 sentences per paragraph, you fail to display your ability to express yourself in the English language, which is a major component of the scoring system. So the following still needs work.

1st paragraph:
The bar chart reveals... (1st sentence)
It can be clearly seen that... (2nd sentence)
Meanwhile,... (3rd sentence)

Last Paragraph:
The other sports such as... (1st sentence)
A significant figure... (2nd sentence)
In addition,... (3rd sentence)

Hope this helps :)

Hi, what a good summary, but let me gives several comments for you. Feel free to correct my suggestions.
1. for IELTS writing task I, you not get the task response, you only write 147 words.
2. you should manage your paragraph by 3 paragraphs: introduction (paraphrase the question, the measurement and conclusion), body I and body II ( depend on you how to grouping the information from the bar chart)

3. in my viewpoint,you need put the measurement of the graph. (The bar chart reveals the information about the favorite sports which were played mostly in New Zealand in 2002 and is measured by percent )

4.try to paraphrase the number ( ex: 10% = one-ten, 25% = a quarter)
5.and girls said that they participated sports which didn'tdid not (remember, academic purpose) mention on the grap.
keep writing and break a leg!

The bar chart reveals the information about the favorite ... ( IN THIS PART YOU SHOULD USE SIMPLE PRESENT BECAUSE TALK ABOUT FACT) .OVERALL,

1. TRY TO MAKE GOOD FLOW USING CONJUNCTION
2. CONSIDER ABOUT GROUPING BEFORE STARTING
3. USE STRONG VOCABULARIES.

GOOD JOB..