Stay-at-home parents should be paid by the government?

Topic: There are parents who decide to stay home and look after their families, mostly mothers. Some argue that the government should pay stay-at-home parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In order to improve the living standard of their families, both parents go to work everyday. However, there are some parents who make a decision to stay at home and take care of their families. Most of them are mothers. Some people believe that the government should pay those stay-at-home parents. In my opinion, I agree with this idea.

Parents who stay at home have many household chores to do. Some people say that doing housework is harder than working in the office because housework is a boring and difficult job. Thus, all stay-at home parents should be paid as those who work in the office.

Moreover, a family that has a stay-at-home parent generally has more happiness than a family that has both parents working. In fact, stay-at-home parents do not only provide warmth to their families, but also contribute to the society as well. To illustrate, children that have stay-at-home parents usually perform well in class and study hard as parents are great help in improving their children's education. In addition, when a child has a parent who stays at home, he or she generally has good manners and is advised to know what is right and what is wrong. Therefore, there is a decrease in the rate of juvenile delinquency, which occur because both parents are occupied in their work and the lack of interaction between children and parents. Furthermore, children are healthier if their parents stay at home with them. They can have nutritional food everyday and get treatment immediately if they have a particular illness.

All things consider, I hold the view that the government ought to pay stay-at-home parents because those parents bring abundant advantages to both their families and society.

The first paragraph is kind of tedious repeat of the question, I suggest to use a short sentence to introduce the topic and express your standpoint concisely. Like:

Some parents choose to work every day in order to support their families while others determine to stay at home to take care of the families. Recently, a proposal about the government should pay stay-at-home parents is raised, with which I totally agree.

I suppose Joy Lin is right. This first sentence lacks gusto. You can change it a little to include an unexpected idea and really catch the reader's attention.

Also, in this sentence you need to have every day as 2 separate words.
It is like this:
Both of them go to work every day.
Going to work is an everyday activity.
("Everyday" is an adjective.)


If you say something like this, it is important to include a citation. Cite the source where you found this fact.

Also, if you want to make this a stronger argument you can write about what someone would say to disagree with you (i.e. the counterargument). Then, refute the counter-argument.

Your grammar is excellent!

Thank you very much for your advice, Joy Lin and Kevin. I will improve my essay by using your feedback.

I think that the first paragraph should talk about the problems or difficulties stay-at-home parents are facing, and then raise the topic that those stay-at-home parents should be paid.