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TOEFL essay - Stay in one place or move around?



zailn 6 / 16  
May 8, 2011   #1
Hi everyone, I would like to practise writing with the given TOEFL topics.
Will appreciate if anyone could give me some comments, thanks!

Question:
Some people spend their entire lives in one place. Others move a number of times throughout their lives, looking for a better job, house, community,or even climate. Which do you prefer: staying in one place or moving in search of another place? Use reasons and specific examples to support your opinion.

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I have spent 9 years in one place when I was small, then my family moved to the place where we are still living in. My parents decided to move because they wanted me to get into a good school when I finished my primary education, and I still consider this a wise choice.

Some people like to live in the same place for their whole lives. The advantage is that they can build relationships and make friends with their neighbours, and do not need to worry about settling down, because they have already settled down the minute they were born there; the house is like a root to these people, a true home for them.

However, as a part of this bustling world, it is impossible for one to stay in the same place for the entire life. When you are living in a busy place, you can never expect to settle down at all, because the place cannot allow you to stop. Instead, you need to look for opportunities and jobs all the time, and very often opportunities come all around the world. That means you need to move constantly so as to catch the opportunities.

For example, when I was small, I studied in a primary school which had nothing particularly outstanding. However, after my family moved to another town, I was admitted to an outstanding school, and that was an important key for me to get into a good high school. This high school provided me numerous opportunities to widen my horizon. My English improved dramatically, and I could meet a lot of important people of the region. All the experiences this high school provided enable me to become a more well-educated and civilized person. If I had not moved, I would not have got all these benefits from the high school. Therefore, because of the desires for opportunities, often one needs to move so as to catch them.

Moreover, being an adventurous person myself, I would love to know the world more. Therefore, by injecting myself into different forms of communities, I believe this will help me understand different cultures more thoroughly.

A few years ago, I visited Australia and I found that the students there had a completely different studying culture from where I come from. I learned about their learning schedules, about how they relaxed themselves, and how they treated studies. I stayed there for almost two months, and I enjoyed every second there. If I could have a choice, I would pack my belongings and moved to there right away, because the Australian lifestyle was fascinating to me. Therefore, driven by curiosity, moving around constantly in order to understand various cultures sounds a nice idea to me.

Different people naturally hold different opinions on this issue. However, for an adventurous person like me, I would rather like to move around to satisfy my curiosity and desires.

isai 12 / 111  
May 8, 2011   #2
Hi,

Good try and appreciated. This is a good start for TOEFL essay writing. Try to read some sample essays , you would het more ideas. Your essay has a little sentence fragments. No completness. Apart from that excellent.

Regards
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
May 9, 2011   #3
I spent 9 years in one place when I was small, and then my family moved to the place where we are still living.

When you are living in a busy place, you can never expect to settle down at all, because the place cannot allow you to stop world will force you to accommodate change.

This high school provided me numerous opportunities to widen broaden my horizon. ---There is a common phrase: broaden my horizon. I think that is what you should write. :-)

Therefore, because of the desire for opportunities, often one needs to move so as to catch them.

If I could have a choice, I would pack my belongings and move there right away, because the Australian lifestyle was fascinating to me.

Great job!! You are ready for the toefl I think. You do not have many errors at all.
ddpddpzzz 3 / 7  
May 17, 2011   #4
i think your essay is very well, even though your essay is not follow other typical form,
i can feel strong and confidence..i think it will lead good results in real toefl test!!!!
OP zailn 6 / 16  
May 21, 2011   #5
thank you for the comments :)

I have read some sample essays as isai has suggested, but I am not quite sure I should be looking for...can anyone tell me what kinds of typical forms are usually used? thanks :)
SamuelWei 3 / 6  
May 22, 2011   #6
hi crystal
"I have spent 9 years in one place when I was small, then my family moved to the place where we are still living in. My parents decided to move because they wanted me to get into a good school when I finished my primary education, and I still consider this a wise choice."

u should make ur thesis statement in a different way and more clearly, thus the viewers can get ur idea.

good job!


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