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Story about why the dog 'Jaw' was sold by the owner


englishlover 5 / 10  
May 25, 2014   #1
Question : Choose one of the advertisements and write a story that explains why it was placed in the newspaper.

I chose this : For sale: Dog, answers to the name of 'Jaw' Cheap as owner seeks urgent sale.

There was a guy named Stanley who was unmarried and graduated at high school. He live alone in a condominium. As he had no wife nor girlfriend, he felt lonely and depress at times. He decided to buy a dog to accompany him so that he won't felt lonely any more.

That very afternoon, Stanley went to a pet shop to find a suitable dog for him. He searched the entire pet shop in vain but still, he isn't satisfied about the dog he found there. He felt wretched as he walk out the shop. But something caught his eye, it was a cute little puppy with a silky fur and tiny body.Stanley find it adorable when he wag his tail. He was determined to buy the dog, so he did. At the same time, he bought the cage, chain, dog food, small ball and dog tag for the dog. On his way home, he decided to named the dog ' Jaw'. Jaw is pretty playful and always play with the ball that Stanley bought.

After some time, Stanley didn't feel as lonely as it is before. He spent a lot of his time with Jaw. Stanley love to be with Jaw together until when Stanley got married with Lonna and gave birth to a baby. At that time, Jaw grew a lot bigger that it was when Stanley bought him. At first, Jaw was quite friendly with the baby. But Jaw started to bark aggressively when he saw Stanley cuddle the baby- Bobo. Stanley had no choice but to put Jaw in the cage. Jaw wasn't quite comfortable staying in the cage, he keep barking and barking all night and causes Bobo to cry.

Lonna couldn't stand it and requested to Stanley that she wouldn't want this dog in the house. It was a hard decision for Stanley, but he agreed for the sake of their family. He went to the newspaper office to advertised Jaw and hoped to sell Jaw as soon as possible.

Please correct my grammer or my tenses. :)
One quick question: can I use 'he' to indicate my animal-Jaw??

hoanghcmup 2 / 3  
May 25, 2014   #2
He live alone in a condominium

He lived...

he felt lonely and depress at times.

he depressed and felt lonely...

he won't felt lonely any more

he would not..

he walk out the shop.

he got out of...

Jaw is pretty playful and always play with the ball that Stanley bought.

Jaw was... and always played... Stanley had bought

Stanley love to be with Jaw together

Stanley loved...

At that time, Jaw grew a lot bigger that it was when Stanley bought him.

At that time, Jaw had grown a lot bigger than the first day Stanley bought him.

Stanley cuddle the baby

Stanley cuddling...

he keep barking and barking all night and causes Bobo to cry.

he kept barking all night, which caused BoBo to cry

He went to the newspaper office to advertised Jaw and hoped to sell Jaw as soon as possible.

He advertised Jaw on the newspaper to sell for getting rid of Jaw as soon as possible.

Please correct my grammer or my tenses. :)

grammar... Well, it seems that you do need to pay attention to tense. The tenses need to be more unique.

One quick question: can I use 'he' to indicate my animal-Jaw??

Yes, of course.

Thank you for reading my correction. I hope that it will be helpful.

he isn't satisfied about the dog he found there

he was not...
niesaysi 16 / 284 83  
May 25, 2014   #3
Here are other grammatical mistakes I have found in your essay.

As he had no wife nor girlfriend, he felt lonely and depressed at times.

He decided to buy a dog to accompany him and relieve his loneliness . so that he won't felt lonely any more.

He searched the entire pet shop in vain but still, he isn'twas not satisfied about the dog he found there.

He felt wretched as he walkgot out of the shop.

Stanley findfound it adorable when he wagged his tail.

He was determinedreally liked to buy the dog, so he did.

At the same time, he bought the cage, chain, dog food, small ball and dog tag for the doghis new pet .

Note: Be consistent with the tense you're using. If you use past tense of verb, use it til the end of your essay. You may also use transitional devices to smoothly connect your ideas.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
May 28, 2014   #4
There was a guy named Stanley who was unmarried and graduated at high school.

Stanley is a guy who is unmarried and studies up to high school graduation.

He lived alone in a condominium property. ... it should be - he lives (present tense) / he lived (past tense)
As he had no wife nor girlfriend, he felt lonely and depressed at times. He decided to buy a dog to accompany him so that he won't feltfeel lonely any more.

He searched the entire pet shop in vain but still, he isn'twasn't satisfied about the dog he found there.with the dogs who were there for sale.

Don't mix up the tenses :(


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