Hi! I am a student and I am learning how to write for the Ielts exam. I found this site when I were looking for some help with my writing. Welcome everyone to have a look at my essay and I appreciate if you can give me some thoughts on my work. Please help me check cohesion, any weird expressions, vague meaning or any other problems. Can you also suggest me a way to write the conclusion? I found myself rephrase the introduction part here as I don't know what else to write. Thank you in advance!!!
global hunger - it's a serious problem
Question: In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?
Food production in 21th century has increased significantly worldwide thanks to development in farming. Despite this fact, people are stilling facing the serious problem of hunger in many parts of the world. This essay will look at some of the main causes and possible measures to solve the issue.
In the past, food shortage used to be a serious problem that affected every country but it is not the case anymore. With tremendous advances made in agriculture, food production now exceeds the quantity needed to feed the world population. however, food surplus does not mean everyone has access to adequate food. People who live under the poverty line does not have the means to purchase food. For example, children from poor families are more likely to be undernourished as they are not fed with enough food or nutritious food. On the other hand, there are also places where food production is insufficient. To take some countries in Africa as an example, severe droughts and conflicts cause poor harvest which is worsened by a rise in food price.
There are several ways that the situation can be ameliorated. First of all, governments should make every effort to create more jobs so that more people can secure an income. Secondly, there should be schemes to help those with little earnings so they can buy food at a cheaper price. Lastly, regarding places with food shortage, the international community can hep with by donating food or money, raising fund for children and so on. moreover, developed countries can also transfer technological innovations to underdeveloped countries to help them improve their own agriculture.
In conclusion, this essay examined some factors contributing to the persisting hunger problem and suggested several solutions to it. It is such a difficult problem that cannot be solved overnight and thus, requires long-term strategies and cooperation between countries.1. the 21st century
2. worldwild is an adjective, you can use world-wild
3. the development in farming
4. [the serious problem of hunger] is not right, you can use the appositive clause: people are stil facing the serious problem, hunger, in many parts of the world.
above is for the first paragarph.
1. People who ... line does not have ... It should be DO.
2. In the third paragraph, you provided some solutions. But your first solution: creating jobs and securing income, which should be linked to the problem. You can write:Governments should ... to create jobs so that the general public in the poor areas can earn higher salaries, and as a consequence, they can access to more supplies of food.
3. Your second solution is not clear. What kind of the schemes can help they?
I think your conclusion is not strong enough to show all of your aspect in the essay, you can put more information you wrote in the second paragraph such as the resource distribution issue in the last paragraph to make your conclusion more clear. Overall, you gave some good solutions to the problem!
