Ielts writing task 1: student accommodation 1960s-2000s

student accommodation graph

Hi, I am practicing on my writing for IELTs. Is it possible for you to spare some time reading and commenting on my writing. Thank you for any help in advance. And by the way, are there any other terms that I can use to naturally paraphrase 'student' (except for 'pupil')?

The graph gives information on how students' accommodation choices differed throughout the fifty-year period.

Overall, it is apparent that most students preferred to be in a shared house or flat with their counterparts over the given time frame. Moreover, apart from sharing room with others, the remaining ways generally became less prevalent overtime.

In the 1960s, approximately one-third of pupils chose to live with their friends in a shared place. This figure then almost doubled to 60% in the 1980s, at which point it continued to rise by a mere 5% every ten years, subsequently reaching a peak of 70% at the end of the period. In the meantime, the percentage of those who lived in dormitories was initially 15%. The number witnessed mild fluctuations between 15 and 20% in the next three decades, and eventually drop to more or less 12% in the 2000s.

With regard to those who paid to stay with a host family and those living at home with their family, they registered numbers of 35% and 15% respectively in the 1960s, which were the same as the previous groups. After that, both figures went down at a relatively similar pace until the 1990s, with the former being twice as high as the latter (10% and 5% respectively). The final years, however, marked the change in preference between the two options when there was a sudden jump to roughly 12% in the proportion of students living with family, in comparison with the decrease to 5% in the other group's number.

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Synonyms that can be used are learners, disciple, school child, undergraduate, scholars, to name but a few. However, the synonym used will depend mostly on the age of the student or school level attendance. be careful with the synonym usage. For task 1 and 2 practice essays, I recommend the use of an online synonym reference to help with vocabulary building.

When developing the summary, do not use alternate time references yet. Due to data clarity requirements, the inclusive years reference is needed. It helps the reader keep track of the reporting reference early on as well. Use a definitive image reference to help the reader develop a mental picture. Remember, he cannot see the image and is relying on the descriptive report for accurate data recreation.

By the way, task 1 essays use between 150-200 words. Do not write this as a Task 2 essay of at least 250 words. One cannot write that many word within 20 minutes. 175 words will be sufficient for editing and scoring considerations.

you are writing coherently enough, but your sentences should be linked more together as too many simple ones can make your essay overlong. One more suggestion would be "with regards to"