IELTS: student's basic curriculum - with or without art?

Some people think art is an essential subject while others think it's a waste of time.Discuss both sides and give your opinion?

art should not be judged as a waste of time teaching

There is a discussion regarding whether the art can be seen as a fundamental curriculum for schoolchildren .Some believe that learning art at school is completely useless ,which I strongly disagree. This essay is going to present main reasons about this controversial topic.

Undoubtedly , art has a significant and unparalleled reputation in our history for thousands years .We can see great works from carving on the rocks by ancient people to valuable paintings ,magnificent classical music ,well-known novels nowadays.We have to admit that our life is surround by ubiquitous a variety of art .therefore it is necessary for children to learn art at school .If we want to have a close look at how human beings use creativity ,how famous artists take advantage of anything available to make fascinating works ,how art has been changed our life and will continuously have an marked impact on us in future .

However ,some believe that it is not worthwhile to teach children any art at school. unlike other subjects such as mathematics ,chemistry and biology ,art is not a specific and elementary subject but more like abstract and obscure language for children to grasp and master .furthermore ,teachers couldn't find precise comments to evaluate students,they may just say "you are gifted " .But how gifted ?what degree of it ?how can I feedback properly when teachers review artistic homework ?Obviously , it is easy to come up with scores if miscalculation made in math paper. So when the educational system of art between teachers and students couldn't work out functional like wheels and chains .people started to doubt the necessity of existence of art.

Although art is different from other subjects,it should not be judged as a waste of time teaching .In fact ,learning art is meaningful. you are learning how to identify things from different perspective ,when you are listening to music teacher playing Mozart and he is explaining what the beauty behind the notes.

Like what I discussed above , art is an essential subject as equal as other basic curriculum .Children should be encouraged to know more about arts .

SU, you have a problematic opening paraphrase which will result in a low TA score. You had a proper presentation of the discussion topic and the reason for the discussion. The problem came when you had to represent the discussion instruction. Look at this :

Original Instruction: Discuss both sides and give your opinion
Your Instruction: I strongly disagree. This essay is going to present main reasons about this controversial topic.

Based on the portions that affect the opening paraphrase statement, I know that you can see where you made the mistake. It is quite obvious. The proper presentation for this section would have been:

There are two schools of thought when it comes to art. The first, is that art is a subject that is important so it should be taught to children. The other, is that are is not an important topic so it is just a waste of time to teach it to kids. In this essay, I will discuss both points of view as well as offer my personal view on the this topic.

Please never neglect to proofread your essay for sentence structure, grammar mistakes, and punctuation errors. In this essay, there were instances when you failed to capitalize the first word in a new sentence. You do not want to lower your GRA score just because you forgot to proofread your essay. That would be a sad reason to fail the test.

In your second paragraph, you placed the topic sentence towards the end of the essay instead of the start. The proper presentation for that paragraph is:

If we want to have a close look at how human beings use creativity ... Undoubtedly , art has a significant ... learn art at school .

By properly formatting your paragraph based upon the strongest possible sentence presentation, you would have created an extremely strong discussion for that paragraph.

In an IELTS essay, it is best that you do not pose questions in any of your paragraphs because you will not be able to properly respond to the questions you posed. That is because responding to your personal questions will result in a prompt deviation, which will cause the failing score of your essay.

You must use first person pronouns in the presentation of your personal opinion in order to show the point of the essay where you are discussing your personal opinion already. It is important that you take ownership of the paragraph because the personal opinion is the most important aspect of an opinion essay. It showcases your analytical and reasoning skills in the English language. These are the most important aspects that can prove your ability to succeed as an ESL student in an ENL school setting. You cannot say "Like what I discussed above" to represent your personal opinion. This needs to be a solidly developed stand alone paragraph. Neither can you use it as a concluding statement as that sort of presentation does not accurately summarize the preceding discussion. Which is the purpose of the closing statement.

@Holt- Can I say I want to be your student ,is it possible ? ~how can I contact you ? Currently I'm not teaching, but you may order my writing / editing services by following the Services link on top :)

... worthwhile to teaching children ...
a ubiquitous a variety of

I will assume that you followed the prompt.
... is completely useless ,which I strongly disagree.

Thesis statement has to be separate from other sentences.

... life is surrounded by ...

,how art has been changed our life this part looks incorrect.

Although art is ...

Like what I ...

These two paragraphs are not good enough. You should elaborate these paragraphs more.