Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 2


Student choices - (IELTS) Discuss if university should be compulsory to everyone



juliah7284 1 / -  
Nov 16, 2019   #1

individual decision in education



Education is an integral part of life. There is a diverse range of learning methods, and different levels of education. And to many cultures, education at universities is often considered a great, if not the highest, honor to achieve, yields to its difficulties and the large commitments required. Despite its obvious advantages, I believe attending university should be left as an individual decision, rather than made compulsory.

There is no doubt of the knowledge and wisdom one can acquire during the years at university. Students get to examine concepts they may or may not have encountered at lower grades, but now with more in-depth, with broader coverage, and perhaps at different perspectives. For instance, high-school students get to see certain chemical substances react to change color and form precipitates, but few will truly understand how the chemical reaction occurs, why, and what happens to each atomic bonding. Above all, university education expose students to the meta-cognitive strategies. This strategy underlies within each lessons, assignments and projects. Students are encouraged to 'think about their thinking', and this skill is such crucial and practical for students when they need to make any decisions further in their lives, and at the same time become prudent citizens.

On the other hand, there are many reasons to not making university education compulsory, namely time and effort commitment, and financial hardship from the scholars. These components should never be weighed lightly, taking in account of each person's background and their interests. By attending universities, scholars commit themselves to four more years after high-school, to study hard, write exams, many even endures stress and anxiety just to keep up with the immense workload. That being said, the most common reason to not studying at universities is the financial factor. Tuition fees and related expenses increase from year to year. And unfortunately, some families couldn't afford it, and instead let their children join trade programs, which is the shortest way to earn money. Regarding this issue, governments should willingly offer financial aids, or no-interest loans to encourage people to pursue the studies, considering all the benefits mentioned above.

To summarize, university undoubtedly brings many values beyond theoretical lessons. However, each person should be left to their own choices whether to attend these high-level educational institutions or not, based upon their personal circumstances and interests. In other words, university education should not be compulsory for everyone. And, I strongly believe that all governments have a responsibility to make sure that no citizens give up on universities because they cannot afford one.

Maria - / 1096  
Nov 16, 2019   #2
@juliah7284
Hi there! Welcome here. I hope my feedback gives you insight on how to improve your writing. Don't hesitate to approach us again should you have more questions.

Firstly, that first paragraph is great. I think that the straightforward approach to writing certainly helps in giving the readers a briefing on what to anticipate with the rest of the text.

What I do think can be improved would be the usage of a more appropriate length for the rest of the writing. If we take a look at your second paragraph, the part where you start giving out examples on the writing, I think that you should have stuck with keeping the sentences short and sweet - this will certainly help in no longer dragging around the rest of your writing.

The latter parts of the writing should also be treated with the same regard. Noticeably, the third paragraph needs to be more put-together. Try your best to always keep writing about what is necessary, and stay away from adding details that are inessential and unnecessary for the text's substantiation.


Home / Writing Feedback / Student choices - (IELTS) Discuss if university should be compulsory to everyone
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳