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"student's lifestyle in university" - ielts, task 2

lllpppricky 5 / 6  
Mar 10, 2012   #1
Full time university students spend a lot of time on studying, but it is essential for students to involve in other activities. What do you extent agree and disagree?

Nowadays, in growing number of parents and educationists begin to pay much attention to student's lifestyle in university. People tend to hope that students can study hard and do exercises as well. Personally, I subscribe to the opinion that the view should be completely agree with.

For one thing, taking activities can exert positive influence on student's intelligent development, especially full time student who aim to study hard for their future. According to scientific researches, taking activities everyday help student promote their blood flow so that it can improve their intelligence and concentration. What's more, those who often do exercises are more likely to be smart than those who seldom take activities.

Secondly, taking activities can cultivate a kind of ability of resisting pressure, regardless of working or studying. It is said that activities are also best characterized by competition. Once they are gradually accustomed to competition, students can possess better mentality to be confronted with frustration and misery.

Thirdly, student through taking activities can learn efficiently some social skills, For example, leadership skill and teamwork skill. Take playing basketball for example, to win a game, we, especially our ability less than our opponent, should build a high and effective cooperation to defeat them. Meanwhile, to adapt society in the future, students should study more social skill, therefore it is better choice that taking activities is for students.

From the above discussion, we can a conclusion that it is imperative that students should take activities. Hence, our government should implement many strategies to encourage students play sports and school should build more facilities for students. Meanwhile, students also must take actively activities.

p.s this is task of ielts exam.
i hope that you give me some advices including three aspects : arguments , idea and evidence; communicative quality; vocabulary and setence stucture.
thank for your consideration

dreamer 3 / 18  
Mar 10, 2012   #2
I found it helpful to copy paste your essay and adding my corrections/suggestions as it goes. :)

Overall, I think you should approach the topic simply and in a straight forward manner when structuring your sentences. Be direct, do not play around with words, and you must be formal since it's academic writing. I also think you should notice that the question states activities. What else students can do besides studies? Points for other type of activities besides sport. So be careful when interpreting your question.

I've tried to be critical when reading your essay. It's a good try though :)
Hope I've helped.
All the best!
OP lllpppricky 5 / 6  
Mar 10, 2012   #3
thank dear dreamer, i gain a lot from your consideration.

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