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Students from the age of 16 should be encouraged to have a part time job


Ikrame 1 / 2  
Mar 26, 2015   #1
Hi, I am new here, so I dont really know how this works but I have to write an essay for my English class. However, I seem to have a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes. Can someone please help me with this? Thank you in advance.

Financial issues are most of the time the reasons why students have a part time job. However, there are students who do not have financial issues and do not have or need a job. Money is just one of the reasons to have a part time job. There are many more other important reasons that are going to be discussed in this essay. Student time is the best time to experiment with one or different kinds of jobs to know where the interest are.

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EF_Jasmine - / 68 39  
Mar 26, 2015   #2
Hello!

My edits and suggestions are below,

Financial issues are most of the time the reasons why students have a part time job(s). However, there are students who do not have financial issues and do not have or need a job. Money is just one of the reasons to have a part time job. There are many more other important reasons ( students work part-time jobs) that are going to be discussed in this essay.

Student time is the best time( Time is written twice, try using another word to make sentence clearer) to experiment with one or different kinds of jobs to know where the interest are. People will argue if it benefits the student to have a part time job during their study (studies). The advantages that students are going to gain are worth it however. ( <sentence is confusing) Therefore, all students from the age of 16 should have a part time job.

First of all, gaining work experience will benefit a student in his or her eventual career. Things like, meetings with colleges, meeting deadlines, being on time and (to)negotiate with the boss are examples(experiences) that will benefit the student no matter what career path they choose. They( Students will) learn to work in teams and respect and listen to each otherand each other's opinion(s). The point is, in particular, they get used to the attitude that is expected from them during their later career. Furthermore, companies ask for experience, they want to see that you have a job experience to do the job you are applying for. Albert Heijn for example is looking for part time team managers most of the time (EOS, 2014).( <great use of a real example) This way they offer students to gain managing experience besides their study, and teach them to address people in the right way. This will be taken in a great advance when applying for a future job.

In the second place, A job offers young people the opportunity to socialize. Through socializing, people can enlarge their network, which is a very important thing in the labor market. Networking means building relationships with people. It means meeting with other professionals and let them know who you are and what you're looking for, or rather what you have to offer. So besides applying for a job with an application letter, networking is an outstanding strategy to find a part time job or holiday work for students. In fact, networking increases the chance of finding a job by 200%. Moreover, when having a part time job, students will meet people from different cultures and ages. They will practice communicating on the right level with these people.

A third reason , A part time job is good for a student's personal development. Student time is the best time to experiment and practice with different kind of jobs. Through one or more jobs(,) the students can find out what their skills are. where are they good at and what not. This can (help students) decide their career path. Colin Powell states, ''There are no secrets to success. It is the result of preparation, hard work, and learning from failure''. Some might argue that a part time job will decrease a student's performance at school, however a Dutch supermarket came up with a great idea; homework classes at the Albert Heijn. Albert Heijn is a Dutch supermarket with over 97.000 employees around the country. From the 97.000 employees of the Albert Heijn, 54% is younger than 20. A couple of the supermarkets created a place for students do their homework so they]( would not ) not fall behind. These supermarket locations encourage this, so young students can also have a part time job and don't have to worry about their homework when getting home (Maroesja Perizonius, 2015). Not all the supermarkets have implemented this yet. The 40 locations in Amsterdam have applied this system and it is a success.

Finally, it is worth it for students from the age of 16 to have a part time. Having a part time job a(s) a student may open a lot of doors for them and has indeed many befits. Working while studying will gain (help with) work experience and this will benefit a student in his or her eventual career. Furthermore, students can find out what they are looking for in a job. This is good for their personal development. And last, having a part time job at a young age will enlarge their network and allow them to meet different kinds of people and besides this increases the chance of finding a job by 200%.

Hi! Good essay start! You have many many detailed points! You have good quotes and great examples that match with the topic. Although you do not have many misspellings, your structure and organization can use some revisions. For each paragraph stick to one topic, whatever your first sentence is, stick to that topic. Your third paragraph starts off with personal development then speaks of homework in grocery stores. Your second section speaks of socialization but then talks about networks and increasing job findings. Although these all tie in together at some point, it becomes hard to follow your argument. I suggest make an outline and re-organize your sentences so they relate to each section. If they do relate explain in detail how:) Good luck with your revisions!


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