Education essay - Ielts writing task 2
Topic: Many people argue that in order to improve educational quality, high school students are encouraged to make comments or even criticism on their teachers. Others think it will lead to loss of respect and discipline in the classroom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.
Some are in favor of the view that young people should be allowed to make comments or criticism on their teacher to improve the teaching quality, while others say that high school students might be disrespectful and loss the discipline in the classroom. I believe that young people should be encouraged to give their own opinion on their teachers but they must follow the rules in the classroom.
On the one hand, young high school students could be disrespectful to their teacher and break the classroom rules if they are encouraged to make comments or criticism on their teacher. Firstly, there are always a few stubborn pupils who do not go to school to study at all. If their teacher complains them or sends their bad study result to their parents, they will make negatives comment on their teacher. Furthermore, headstrong students might tempt their peers to do bad things in the classroom. They might eat sneakily, chatting, and using mobile phones during studying hours, all of this misbehaviors lead to loss of discipline and brake the classroom regulations.
On the other hand, there are good reasons why young pupils should be encouraged to give some feedback on their teachers. Firstly, some people find that they cannot conceive what their teacher is trying to derive to them, obviously, they need to approach a new style of teaching method or even a new teacher. For instance, a teacher can base on the feedbacks of their student to adopt a new teaching style, like using images and videos to get their attention and they can absorb new knowledge effectively. Secondly, some students with normal and low studying performance feel unfair because their tutor only pays attention to those who always have a high result. As a result, they need to speak their voice to the headmaster to find a solution or change the teaching attitude of that teacher.
In conclusion, I encourage high school students to make comments and give feedback on their teachers to improve the studying quality, although this method has some noticeable drawbacks.
well, i guess that because of your hurry, you make some mistakes => nagatives comments, brake---> break
overall, your essay is very good with obvious outline
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15461 Andy, please note the subtle differences between American and British English spelling. "Favor" rather than the British "favour" or "misbehavior" rather than the British "misbehaviours" are some of the spelling errors in your essay. Knowing the differences in spelling of the two types of English can help you impress the examiner, who in turn just may decide to increase your LR score because of this knowledge of yours.
Please remember that a comma accompanies a conjunction so the term "teachers" in the first paragraph should have a comma after the word, before the next word "but". You also have a noun phrase problem with the term "this misbehaviors". "This indicates a singular form of the word so you cannot use the plural form "behaviors". It should be the singular "behavior" or replace the phrase with the plural form "these behaviors" as "these" is the plural form of "this". These are simple GRA errors that can have a direct effect on the score for that particular band which could result in a lower than expected band score on your part.
As for the content of your discussion, your prompt paraphrase is not proper as it does not represent the correct discussion instruction of the original prompt. Your discussion instruction paraphrase should indicate something similar to:
Based on a consideration of both points of view, I will be able to formulate my own conclusion regarding this situation.
As the prompt indicates a discussion of both public points of view through the reference to "Many people..." That means you must show that each public point of view is represented in the discussion paragraphs prior to your personal opinion. That is why I clarified that in the discussion instruction paraphrase I provided here.
Discussing the points of view from "One the one hand" and "On the other hand" does not accurately represent the group-think being represented in the essay. These are default phrases taught to you in IETLS classes and textbooks. These phrases will not help to increase your GRA or C&C score because these words do not show ownership of the public and personal discussion presentations in the reasoning paragraphs. You need to use second or third person references in these presentation parts to show a clear reference to whose point of view is being discussed. The way you have it presented now indicates that all of these views belong to you instead of creating a comparative discussion of a public opinion prior to your personal opinion.
The concluding paragraph is not the place for the personal opinion. This essay is a 5 paragraph discussion. The prompt will always tell you if you have to present a 4 paragraph or 5 paragraph essay presentation. Anything that asks for 2 POV+ Personal POV = 5 paragraphs. The fifth paragraph being the concluding summary, which is similar to the opening prompt paraphrase with the only difference being that the discussion points from the 3 reasoning paragraph will be rephrased in the presentation instead.
