Students have today more chances to study abroad, than it was before - practice on IELTS

here is my practice on writing task IELTS. I feel uncertain in my sentences and flow. i can't thank you enough for everything you do to enhance my skill. so, please give me some advises and critics on my writing.

ps: questions are in bold and answers are in italic
you can pick one of those tasks to check or all of the tasks will be very helpful

WRITING TASK 2In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country.
Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad.
What are the advantages and disadvantages of this development?
You should use your own ideas, knowledge and experience and support your arguments with examples and relevant evidence.

Answer:
These days, studying in foreign country to get higher degree is becoming trend, especially the young generation. Vary of scholarship programs that were provided by national government or international universities are a great chance for them to reach their dreams abroad. In spite in own country, a priceless experience is a pivotal role that could combat a drawback of the trend.

While such idea encourage learners to leave their country, it could possibly affect the grade of national universities, because the youth will more likely to take a chance to study overseas. For an example, a bachelor student who was a genius one, promoted to get a master degree abroad, researching a new technology in unconventional energy. National education institution will lose a chance to develop new invention regarding to technology if its delegate prefer to stay out of the country. Imagine if every learner made a same decision, the butterfly effect would possible to occur which worldwide would see the institute is lack of scientific or any kind of research. Therefore, national authorities should make an approach to overcome this situation.

However, there are several merits to gain by studying overseas. Firstly, the one that bachelor student will get on overseas study is the unforgettable experiences that are very good in behavior developing of people. They will push their limit of life to its end by survival. Even though with scholarship, the living cost in foreign country will be hard to fulfill. Moreover, they should prepare for an emergency if any occasion appear. The second one is language which most of people have a problem with. As a communication is a basic habit in daily life. Language barrier is a critical obstacle to keep alive in overseas country. So those challenges are led them to prepare for the worst to keep survive which less likely to happen if they study in hometown.

In conclusion, study overseas has an effect to national universities due to the less-conducted research. On the other hand, the most significant notion that will diminish the disadvantage is the priceless story of character developing that students could get in foreign universities.

One essay at a time, please.

Hi azmi. I want to give you some correction.

These days, studying in foreign countrystudying abroad to get the higher degree is becoming trendy , especially for the young generation.

Hi Azmi, this time I would only focus on your introduction. As the prompt asks you to explain the advantages and the disadvantages of the increase of studying abroad, your thesis statement should thoroughly cover both of them. However, your thesis statement is far from this instruction, it is, therefore, you are out off topic. To make a powerful introduction, several steps you need to do is that focusing the prompt initially and trying to understand well, then paraphrasing it by using your own word by directly going straight forward to the point. Making thesis statement comes as a second stage where you state clearly what the prompt requires. Here I give you an example.

The question
(In the past, when students did a university degree, they tended to study in their own country.
Nowadays, they have more opportunity to study abroad)

Paraphrase of the question, which will be the background.
More students tend to study abroad as their preference to achieve their higher degree compared to several days ago.

Thesis statement
While this trend will lead to outstanding educational quality and extensive experience, which would be gained by the students, such chance causes the learners more individual and they have to face with language barrier.