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The students need to decide whether they want to choose the social science group or a science group

Angel Yang 1 / -  
Jul 28, 2020   #1
(This is a practice for IELTS. Actually, I am poor at making the great arguements and giving the persuasive or concrete supporting details, so I hope readers can provide some suggestions.Thank you!)

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today's world, subjects like Science and Technology are more important than History.

Discussion both these views and give your own opinion.

In our high school education system, the students need to decide whether they want to choose the social science group or select a science group. This has been discussed for many years. It is still a controversial issue between high school students and different college students.

Some people support history or other social science subjects are important because it is related to humans and society. People can learn from the back, at the same time, history cultivates people's humanity. Usually, studying in the field, the students' personalities are sensitive and careful. Nonetheless, some people insist that science and technology are the current trends. Students studying science and technology might have promise future and better income. Those students' traits include carelessness and straightforward. They equip better mathematics ability to solve the complicated questions but they are not good at interacting with others and often think not thoroughly.

From my own perspective, I consider that both field are crucial to society or the whole human being. I was a student in the social science group. When I entered university, sometimes, I met some students who majored in the engineering department discriminate against us. They felt that our college didn't have any contribution. At that time, I was mad because they never noticed that in every moment, their behaviors and even speech were closed to our study field. I must admit that in Taiwan, studying science is easy to apply for a high-income position. Companies provide a multitude of job openings. However, it doesn't mean that they are the most significant and outstanding. People's daily life cannot live without social science like history, languages, law, and economics. If any part lacks, society is not able to work. This subsequence sounds even worse than without science and technology.

To sum up, everything existing in this world must contain its function and meaning. Both subjects are equal and they actually rely on each other to let the whole society working smoothly and properly.
jhhh11 14 / 30  
Jul 28, 2020   #2
Hi! Here are some suggestions for you:

- I think that your intro paragraph does not tightly relate to the question. You should say something about comparing the importance of social subjects vs science subjects. "This has ... It is still a ..." This sentence is irrelevant as well.

You should carefully research the vocabulary that you use:
- "learn from the back past "
- "people's humanity" --> maybe personality?
- etc.

I think that overall, your ideas are not fully developed. The next sentences should reaffirm your reasonings or to give supporting examples.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,647 3480  
Jul 28, 2020   #3
Even though you wrote 328 words, your essay still failed to fully address the prompt requirements. Being a 5 paragraph essay, you should be addressing the essay as follows:

Par. 1: Prompt restatement
Par. 2: Gender free discussion of the 1st public point of view (History is one of the most important...)
Par. 3: Genderless opinion of the 2nd public point of view (Sci and tech are more important...)
Par. 4: First person discussion of the public point of view that you support and why
Par. 5: Topic restatement + summary of discussion points + concluding sentence

Based on the required basic format for this discussion, you should clearly see why your presentation will be deemed incomplete. The examiner will see this as having skipped a few discussion points based on the original discussion and deduct the appropriate percentage points for it.

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