Hi again guys,
Please please have a look at my work and let me know how you feel about this essay. Point out my grammar errors, the words I used inappropriately and structure and organization issues. I know the essay is a bit long for an IELTS writing test, but I could write this essay in 35 minutes, which is ok I think, even though I'm not sure if there is a restriction that urges students to write in a specific range of words (I only know that I have to write more than 250 words, not sure about the maximum limit)
Anyway, here is my work:
Topic: There are people who like to spend time with their own age group and people that spend their time with different age groups. What approach is better in your opinion? Give relevant examples from your own experience.
One of the significant influences that play a pivotal role in the socialization process of a person is the people he/she interacts with. A group of people prefer to choose their friends among those who are at their age, while others enjoy hanging out with either younger or elder individuals. The question that goes through the mind is that what criteria are deemed important by each group for choosing their friends. This essay is targeting to address these criteria and come to a conclusion that which group would be more successful in socialization and life.
We select our friends in the basis of the things we have in common. This simple rule in our social lives would steer people to communicate more with their peer groups, since they have more thing to share. For instance, a person at the age of 20, who is a university student, would like to talk about the university life, as the university occupies a large portion of his life at 20. Experiences, interests and difficulties of this person would somehow be related to the university and he/she cannot share all these matters with a younger or elder person, since they have different thoughts and attitudes toward life. In short, having things in common can be the main reason why some people like to spend their time with the people at their age.
Another group of people, on the other hand, choose to be with younger or elder friends due to psychological and social reasons. To be precise, it is proven that some people are younger or older in mind and spirit, thus, their behaviour does not match with their ages. As an example, a person at the age of 30 might speak, wear, and spend his/her time like an adolescent. Accordingly, these people would not be accepted by their own age groups, forcing them to lean toward an age group that fits them.
To sum up, people can be classified to two categories in terms of their friends' ages; those who interact with their own peer groups, and those who prefer to be with elder or younger people. In my point of view, the former group can see the world a happier place as they can live in the present. In fact, these people do not get involved in other age groups problems, since they live in a completely different world. They enjoy every period of their lives by sharing it with people who are at their ages with similar thoughts, interests and hobbies.
One of the significant influences that play a pivotal roles in a person's socialization process of a person is the people with whom he/she interacts.
Some people prefer to choose their friends among ...
It's good to use a colon here:
The question that goes through the mind is: that What criteria are deemed important by each group for choosing their friends.
... a conclusion that which group would be more successful in socialization and life. --- This last sentence of the first paragraph is important. It should tell the reader your main idea/conclusion. It is not ALWAYS necessary to do that in the last sentence of the first paragraph, but in this case I think it's important to express to the reader your main idea so they can consider it while they read the rest of the paragraphs.
It's better to use the word 'older' instead of 'elder'... this is just my opinion, even though it is not wrong to use 'elder'... it is just not so commonly used, and it's a little awkward. It's good to keep things simple and say 'older'.
Another group of people, on the other hand, choose to be with younger...and social reasons. --- This is a PARAGRAPH TOPIC SENTENCE (the first sentence of a paragraph). It should introduce a topic that supports your argument about which option is better. Each paragraph topic sentence should express an idea that helps to show why your opinion is correct (i.e. your opinion about which type of friends is better to have).
To sum up, people can be classified to two categories... and those who prefer to be with elder or younger people. -- This does not sum up your essay. It sums up the prompt question.
In my point of view, the former group ... --- This is the sentence that you should put at the end of the first paragraph. The whole essay is supposed to be about this opinion.
: )
