Essay: should students have a part-time job

should students have a part-time job?

As a student, the study is always the most significant. Nonetheless some students in the present-day choose to go into a novelty way which is taking a part-time job parallel to the academic one I totally support this idea

To begin with having a part-time job (maybe a winter sells man shove assistant job) is ample and valuable opportunities for students to apply what they've learned to the reality. The knowledge, if we don't use it, it is very likely to slip out of our mind but once we practise, it will come out of its theoretical sell and become our own intelligence. To illustrate, being a salesman will teach students how to get their thought across to give a fluent and riveting presentation which is the thing that school teaches them skin-deeply

Next, the part-time job will brushes up on a student's soft skill and therefore help them accumulate valuable experience. for instance if that student is a waiter he must have good communication and presentation skill .In case she's a shop assistant, she must have technological and cognitive skill. These soft skills can vary from different jobs students can help but there's a priceless skill one taking a part-time job can obtain- financial management skill - one of the most fundamental skills constituting a wealthy life

Beside a part-time job also creates a source of money which students can expand or put aside for the future .this fund might be very helpful to some students coming from poor families

Last but not least, the labor market both at the present and in the future tends to hands-on employees .what that means is recruiters are leaning towards the applicants who have had practical experience, not theoretical and rigid one. Therefore, definitely, having a part-time job will tip the balance for those students in their careers

To conclude, having a part-time job together with studying brings students a large number of benefits. In spite of the fact that it has high potential of distracting students themselves from studying buts its advantages outweigh that downside

The essay is badly written even though it uses British English terms and actually does its best to appear as a properly developed essay. You need to learn more about British and American English colloquialisms so that you can use the correct references when writing such sentences. You are trying to appear like a native speaker and you know what you want to say, but you are not saying it properly therefore, the reader is left highly confused by your paragraph and sentence references.

You also failed to use punctuation marks properly in the overall essay. Run-on sentences abound and the lack of full stops (period) show that you either do not know how to use these markings or, you simply do not care about the quality of your writing and the English writing rules, regardless of English version. Therefore, the examiner will have no choice but to fail your essay presentation.

thank you so much for helping me. Can you point out some mistaken words and phrases that i used? I'm not good enough to find them out

Hi @Ngan555. To make your writing more natural, I think the best way is to read as many English materials as possible. Also, you can use dictionaries like ozdic or just the word to see whether your words are collocated or not.

Last paragraph : To conclude, having a part-time job along with studying brings students a substantial number of benefits. In spite of the fact that it has the potential of distracting students themselves from studying, the major advantages far outweigh the downsides