Please review this essay (and the essay above ^^)
Thank you very much for your great help.
Do you prefer traditional house or modern house?
Our world is developing very fast, and so brings us more things that facilitate our lives, modern house is one of those many things. There is no reason that we need to live in a traditional house while great modern houses are available. Modern house will offer us more comfortable, more efficient, and safer lives.
...
Good morning.
"Although older people have gained a lot of knowledge and experience , the assertion that older people cannot learn anything from young people seems to me to constitute a fundamental mistake.
Our world changes rapidly. Knowledge is updated everyday. Older people, however, sometimes miss necessary information to renew their old information. In this case, young people, who are more dynamic, will help the old ones to not be obsolete. For example, older people may know very little about new technology applications such as how to use email instead of by regular mail or how to use an electric stove to cookWow-I didn't know that "older" people didn't know how to use electricity. . Once older people realize the advantage that new knowledge brings to them, there is no reason for them to refute to learn from young people.
Older people also need to renew their social behaviors. The world they lived in past years is very different from the one young people live today, so the way they behave sometimes is inevitably unsuitable. For example, pop music is very popular, but some older people do not like it so that they criticize the music; in their mind, the old music of their generation is far better. This is a matter of opinion-there are young people that do not like pop music and criticize it. This has nothing to do with modernity or its use in daily life. It doesn't fit with the rest of your essay. Young people have the obligation to tell older people how the world has changed and explain to them how good the new things are. Again, this is an opinion; there are young people that would disagree with you here. It doesn't fit with your previous content. Moreover, some older people do not understand today serious issues such as new diseases, bird flu for example, so young people also need to show them how to adapt themselves to the world new circumstances.
In conclusion, no matter what age group one belongs to, he or she still have something new to learn. Young people learn from older peoples' experiences, and the older people can learn from dynamic young people how to live suitably in this new world."
As to the second essay:
"Our world is developing very fast, and so brings us more things that facilitate our lives. Modernhousing is one of those many things. There is no reason that we need to live in a traditional house while great modern houses are available. Modern houses will offer us more comfortable, more efficient, and safer lives.
First of all, in a contemporary world, we have to work hard to succeed and have lots of stresses. What we need is a comfortable place to relax, and modern houses offers us what we desire. Living in a modern house means we will have much more comfortable lives. When it is hot, air conditioning will make us feel more pleasant . When we need music to relax, the stereo system will satisfy us. I guess I'm confused as to what your meaning of "traditional" and "modern" are; you should lay the groundwork of the two at the beginning of the essay.
Moreover, lives will be more efficient if we live in a modern house. With refrigerators , we do not need waste time to rush to the market to prepare for meals ; everything is just right in front of us in the refrigerator. Many other cooking facilities will help us to finish meals efficiently without much effort. We will have more time to play with our family or to finish our work instead of wasting time doing things if there are not facilities in the house.
Last but not least, modern houses are safer for use and easier to maintain than traditional houses. If something goes wrong, such as a house fire, there are facilities that will alarm us to call help . In addition, it is much more difficult for some one to get inside a modern house to steal things. We will worry much about those issues if we live in traditional houses.
While I still love the traditional beauties that traditional houses offer, with all the reasons I mentioned above, I will definitely choose a modern house to live in. Such houses will offer me everything I need after a hard studying day." Is there not a way to have a "traditional" house with the "modern" amenities you speak of?
While I think that a week is not a very accurate guage of long-lasting success, I do believe that you are improving in your organization and the fluidity of your paragraphs. If you keep up the hard work, I'm sure you will continue to see improvement in all areas of your writing. Keep at it!