Hi, if you see my essay and intend to give feedback, would you mind giving me a detailed one in terms of Grammar and Vocab, Task Response & Achievement and Cohesion & Coherence? I'm not being needy; I just think that I would adjust my writing more effectively if I knew in detail what is wrong in my essay. Thank you in advance!!
Topic: Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking and dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree/disagree?
It is argued that academic knowledge is necessary for students to meet the demand for exams. As a result, skills such as cooking or dressing should be abolished in school's curriculum. From a personal point of view, I strongly disagree with this idea. In this essay, I am going to analyse why these basic skills should be considered as compulsory subjects in school.
To begin with, it is conspicuous that academic subjects are no substitute for essential living skills. Suppose that academic knowledge plays an indispensable role in student's study and work, likewise the abilities to cook and get dressed in their social life. Dressing, in particular, has a major impact on student's image. To illustrate, when going to an interview for a new job or entering a new working environment, students who dress well will give people an undoubted better impression than the ones with inappropriate styles. On account of that these skills are not innate, they should be taught at school as subjects.
Another reason why skills such as getting dressed and cooking should not be abandoned is that the lack of these skills can result in the degradation of student's life quality. For instance, many school children these days have to eat junk food as substitute for main meals due to the inability to cook. As a result, many of them suffer from obesity at an early age. In fact, many parents either do not have time to accommodate their children with such skills or do not want to teach them since they consider these skills as insignificant in comparison with exams which require academic knowledge. Therefore, it is school's responsibility to equip student with these vital skills.
To conclude, despite the need of academic knowledge for standard exams, skills such as cooking and dressing should still be in students'favour because of their substantial influences on their lives.
subjects of substantial influences on students' lives
Topic: Students should be taught academic knowledge so that they can pass exams, and skills such as cooking and dressing should not be taught. To what extent do you agree/disagree?
It is argued that academic knowledge is necessary for students to meet the demand for exams. As a result, skills such as cooking or dressing should be abolished in school's curriculum. From a personal point of view, I strongly disagree with this idea. In this essay, I am going to analyse why these basic skills should be considered as compulsory subjects in school.
To begin with, it is conspicuous that academic subjects are no substitute for essential living skills. Suppose that academic knowledge plays an indispensable role in student's study and work, likewise the abilities to cook and get dressed in their social life. Dressing, in particular, has a major impact on student's image. To illustrate, when going to an interview for a new job or entering a new working environment, students who dress well will give people an undoubted better impression than the ones with inappropriate styles. On account of that these skills are not innate, they should be taught at school as subjects.
Another reason why skills such as getting dressed and cooking should not be abandoned is that the lack of these skills can result in the degradation of student's life quality. For instance, many school children these days have to eat junk food as substitute for main meals due to the inability to cook. As a result, many of them suffer from obesity at an early age. In fact, many parents either do not have time to accommodate their children with such skills or do not want to teach them since they consider these skills as insignificant in comparison with exams which require academic knowledge. Therefore, it is school's responsibility to equip student with these vital skills.
To conclude, despite the need of academic knowledge for standard exams, skills such as cooking and dressing should still be in students'favour because of their substantial influences on their lives.
