[IELTS WRITING TASK 2] More and more students at university today are not chosing to study science

MORE AND MORE STUDENTS AT UNIVERSITY TODAY ARE NOT CHOOSING TO STUDY SCIENCE.

WHY IS THIS HAPPENING? WHAT ARE THE EFFECTS OF THIS?

Nowadays, there are an increasing number of undergraduates who do not enjoy studying science-related courses. This essay will first explore why some science courses might become irrelevant to students, and then it will discuss how this might impede the advancement of contemporary technology.

One of the most pertinent explanations for this circumstance is the possibility that some students' future employment may not require science. It implies that they would not pay attention when studying science, which demands a high level of memorizing and logical thinking ability; as a result, their decision is to withdraw from these science courses. A great illustration of this is how more and more college students are choosing to major in subjects other than science, such as art or music, in order to develop a wide range of specific skills that may be applicable to their line of work.

Numerous negative outcomes could result from this problem, but the most significant one is that it may decrease the quality of many businesses' products. This is because modern business owners' top priority is to create cutting-edge machines and make a profit from them. If that occurs, employees' general knowledge cannot keep up with formal evolution. As an example, many low-quality modern devices produced by some unreputable companies are harming their customers.

In conclusion, even though their future careers will not involve technology, undergraduates should acquire a wealth of scientific knowledge. Only by acting accordingly can a dynamic development future be maintained.

They do not need to enjoy studying science. They are not choosing to study science. Those are 2 different and unrelated discussion points. You have changed the focus of the discussion in a manner that will negatively affect your TA score. Your failure to respond to the questions in a manner that creates a proper thesis sentence will also result in your lack of a properly developed and presented restatement + opinion presentation. This problems will result in a reduced preliminary Task Accuracy score.

The outcome of the lack of science graduates does not match your discussion paragraph. You are discussing business when Science is mostly related to medicine, computers, or other tech fields. You veered off the discussion path here and will not receive a score for this presentation. Always relate the discussion to the given focus points. It is unfortunate that you made these errors in an otherwise good effort piece of essay writing. You need to make sure you meet those standards next time.

@Holt
Thank you, I just relize my mistake and I need to be careful next time.

You can rewrite "One of the most pertinent explanations for this circumstance is the possibility that some students' future employment may not require science" to "One of the major reasons behind this fact/matter is Science is not widely required in various professions in society".

You can rewrite "As an example, many low-quality modern devices produced by some unreputable companies are harming their customers." to "This can be particularly evident in some unreputable companies, where many low-quality modern devices have been produced and have did harm to their customers".

@Giangtrankim
Thank your for your comment!