TOEFL: studying helps people to get ready for their entire life - in both social and economic

The writing is independent task of toefl bit.
Topic: reasons of attending universities

After finishing high school many students continue studying on a specific field in a college or university in a more detailed version. Due to the development in technology and increasing in the numbers of experts in most fields, the only chance of getting a well-paid job is getting an academic degree. Although in my opinion applying for a good job is the most important reason, but there are other reasons which encourage students to attend university.

First, studying in the field someone likes is enjoyable. Learning new things, doing projects and researches about a particular area, brainstorming about subjects would be that fun. For instance, I loved to continue my studying in the university because I really liked to get more information about how electrical appliances work and liked to design something new.

Second, while students leave their hometown for a college or university, they experience new things. It's a chance for becoming more sociable, making new friends, finding job opportunities, and etc. Living in a dormitory is also a perfect experience. Students can learn some skills like cooking, washing dishes, cleaning and etc.

Next, as mentioned above, the main purpose of attending university is getting ready for applying for a job. It is not sufficient to be expert in the field of the desired job. The applicant should have other characteristics like hardworking, tenacity, and being determined. These characteristics will improve in the university while students get ready for hard tests, facing social problems, and preparing a specific project for their professor.

To conclude, academic studying helps people to get ready for their entire life, in both social life and economic life. It's a chance to taste the real life where one's family is not there ready to support him/her in every aspects of life. It's a chance to build one's own way of life.

After finishing high school, many students continue to study in order to specialize in a specific field of their choice.


.... I find the first part is not relevant.


There are grammar issues in this sentence. "Although" and "but" both cannot appear together in a sentence.
In my opinion, although career opportunities can be considered as the primary reason, there are other reasons too that promote students to pursue higher studies.

.... You need to bring out the real reason more direct;
First, some students love to advance their knowledge in the field of their interest.


.... tell the stream that you liked to study further because that is where your interest lies.


... why do you talk about hometown? location is not a concern of your topic.