ielts 2: The substitution of one-government of the world for the individual countries governments

The world should have only one government rather than a national government

Some people believe that the one-government of the world substitutes for the government for each country. However, I argue that this trend brings some benefits on the surface level, the government for each country is more likely advantageous.

Advocates of a one-world government think that being unified under this government produces many benefits. An important reason is that this type of authority tends to save time when making decisions for essential topics. If there is only one-world government, the vaccine of Covid-19 tends to be straightforward to distribute across the world. Moreover, having a one-world government would bring the freedom of transportation for the world. The tax for products or the visa are more likely to become redundant. Also, flying to exotic countries or approaching new products would be more feasible.

However, there are significant drawbacks that far outweigh the benefits. Although the one-world government may bring benefits for transportation, it still has some disadvantages. The freedom of movement between countries tends to bring more opportunities for nefarious deeds, which will cause many problems not only for the economy but also for politics. In addition, every country has a different culture, tradition and perspective. If the world is policed by the USA, it is difficult for them to understand other cultures and cannot treat other countries balancedly. Therefore, conflicts would undoubtedly arise.

In conclusion, although the one-world government has some advantages, I believe that its drawbacks are far weightier. It is recommended that every country should have their own governor, but the governors should combine and support each other.

The prompt restatement is confusing and your opinion response made it even more confusing for the reader. It is difficult to decipher what you mean in this paragraph even after several readings. Therefore, this paragraph will not get a passing preliminary score due to the confusing statement presented and the GRA score for this section will be failing as well since it failed to avoid confusing the reader even after several reviews of the paragraph. This is a bad start for the essay. It has already failed in the preliminary score, so the actual score may not be a passing one anymore. Next time, try to paraphrase every paragraph in a clear manner. Do not try to compress the discussion points in the paraphrasing because your English skills do not allow you to do that yet. Your English skills are still at the basic level. Do not try to write at an advanced level yet. That could cause you to fail the test.

In the second paragraph, the examiner does not care about the discussion that opposes your point of view. It should not be taken up as a discussion point in your response. You are only allowed 2 paragraphs to present acceptable evidence that that supports your point of view. In this case, only 1 paragraph does that. So the examiner will have no choice but to score your essay based on an under developed and little explained discussion. Unless 2 supporting discussions are presented and explained, the essay will not be considered completely developed.

Based on the presentation problems, it will be difficult for me to assure you that you will get a passing score for this essay. It does not seem possible at this point.

@Holt
thank you!! Could you recommend me some way to improve this? I'm quite struggling with my writing skill

@lamliinh
WISH YOU LUCK ！archive the score that you want!