To succeed in business, one need to know math. (help me to check)

not only math is crucial in business

It is the fact that these days Math is a crucial subject in the curriculum of students. While I believe that having knowledge about maths can generate some certain benefit for the learner in business, I also admit that this can be inaccurate for some special situations.

On the one hand, maths can create some advantages which help the learner to succeed in business. Firstly, learning math can help the student to become more logical and intelligent. This is very important toward people in business or investing in some fields which requires a high accuracy as financial because just an unintelligent decision of investors, their career and property can immediately disappear. Additionally, studying math well can help people to enhance patience, hardness, and improve their ability to focus on work. As a result, people who study math can easily acquire success, especially with some majors related to accounting.

On the other hand, besides math, several other knowledge needs to be equipped to serve in business. First and foremost, successful businessmen need to have outstanding leadership besides knowledge to lead their group to achievement. Hence, Cultivating soft skills and the qualification of communications can bring more benefit than just math. Secondly, with the development of economy, social knowledge seems more and more significant than math. To be specific, when a businessman communicates with their partner to cooperate, the stories about the aspect of society can be the main topic to discuss, from that negotiating can become easier and more rapid, and creating the sustainable success foundation in the future.

In conclusion, although math has some certain advantages in helping people to succeed in business, I also suggest that people should combine other knowledge and skills to remain and promote success in the future.

Why did you write a comparative essay when this is an extent response essay? Your prompt paraphrase has problems based on your presentation because you are making false claims ( It is a fact...) when the original presentation only made a general statement rather than a verified claim. Then, you offered a comparative response to the given question rather than an extent answer that would have clearly stated a single opinion coming from you. The essay is written in an incorrect format because:

1. There is no proper prompt paraphrase
2. There is no clear opinion presented based on the single opinion requirement of the essay
3. The discussion was done in comparative form rather than the required "2 reasons for a single opinion" defense

Based on the discussion format alone, it will already be difficult for this essay to garner a passing score. You must become familiar with the discussion formats. There are only 2 types of discussions:

1. Comparative
2. Single opinion

Once you identify what type of discussion accompany each type of discussion, you should be able to present the proper opinion presentation and discussion format for your paper.