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Success is not far-reaching for those who pursue their goals until they will achieve it


hamedmas 27 / 58 19  
Oct 27, 2014   #1
In your opinion, what is the most important characteristic (for example, honesty, intelligence, a sense of humor) that a person can have to be successful in life? Use specific reasons and examples from your experience to explain your answer. When you write your answer, you are not limited to the examples listed in the question.

Success is not far-reaching for those who pursue their goals until they will achieve their goals. It is difficult to choose the one quality to show that this quality makes people to be successful. In my view, however, having a variety of qualities lead to be successful, But the most important quality is perseverance.

First, the success would be achievable when we pursue our goal. By studying the life of many scientists, it is easy to understand that why they could achieve their goals. They pursued their goal and they never were disappointed until they finally achieve their goals. The main reason that many people failed to obtain their goals is that they were disappointed quickly after first defeat. From my personally experience, in the difficult time of my life in which it seems that my dreams would not be achievable, I try to pursue my goal. One of my personal examples is preparing for the TOEFL exam. After I had studied for many months, when I took the whole exam in my room, the result was disappointed. However, I decided to persist until I could pass the exam.

Second, being persistent is a vital quality to cover up the lack of other qualities. Being cleaver does not guarantee the success. For instance, I know many people who are not very clear, but they are more successful than those who are cleaver. I remember the time I studied in the university, some of my classmates claim that they are clever students in the high school and they thought that they can achieve the best score in exams, however, they even could not pass their exams because they did not study as well as they must.

Overall, being successful depends on many parameters, however, if people pursue his personal goal, they definitely would be successful.
***I really appreciate your feedback. I am going to take Toefl exam very soon !
awaiting to receive your points on grammar, punctuation, coherence and cohesion, task achievement, lexical resource, Anything!
Thank you in advance!

VTP77 2 / 3  
Oct 27, 2014   #2
eliminate the "first, second, thirds" when writing your essay :D
vangiespen - / 4,140 1449  
Oct 30, 2014   #3
Hamed, sorry about not having gotten back to you sooner. I have been a bit busy these days and your posts must have gotten covered up in the pile of work I was doing. Anyway, I am here now. Here are my comments about this essay :-)

You have shown analytical improvement with this piece of writing. You have taken the time to choose what you believe to be the most important trait and worked on fully discussing the elements that make it such. You have already learned to properly use examples based upon personal experience and you have given us something to consider with your overall argument.

While I noted some marked improvements in your essay, you still have a problem with expressing yourself fluently in English and the use of punctuation marks. The first problem that I saw with this essay is that you used a comma where a period should be and then used a capital letter after the comma. Had that been a period, you would have violated grammar rules by starting your sentence with the word "But".

Now for the grammar clean up :-)

Success is not far-reaching for those who pursue their goals ...

- Success is not hard to reach provided one has enough desire to achieve his goals. While there are many qualities that lead to success in life, there are some who believe that only one quality is important enough to merit being discussed as the main reason for success. For me, this one quality is perseverance.

First, the success would be achievable when we pursue our goal. By studying the life ...

- Success is only achievable when one pursues his goal. However, it is not always easy to achieve those goals because of the obstacles in our paths. These impediments are made quite clear as a part of daily for the brightest minds in the word, the scientists, who need to pursue their goals relentlessly in order to succeed. Sure they meet with failure after failure, obstacle after obstacle, but they do not feel defeated because they know that their goal will bring their great satisfaction after many defeats.

- Do not use yourself as an example in this paragraph. You have yet to take and pass the TOEFL exam.

Second, being persistent is a vital quality to cover up ...

- Persistence helps a person to cover up any shortcomings he may have in the pursuit of his goals. While cleverness may help him get ahead for a while, eventually he will meet his match and cleverness will no longer be enough to help him achieve. Take for example, my classmates who charmed their way through high school, they felt that they could use their charm and cleverness in college as well. Only to find out that they actually needed to study and work hard in order to pass their classes. Their failure to succeed proves that cleverness has its limitations and could spell defeat for a person pursuing specific goals in the future. Had they chosen to persist in studying instead, they would have stood a better chance at succeeding in passing their classes.

A tremendously good effort Hamed, but the conclusion seems to be missing?


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