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IELTS essay task 2 Success in life depends on hard work and determination

serbinax 7 / 19 7  
Feb 21, 2020   #1

Does Attractiveness and wealth equate remedy for success?

Some people believe that success in life depends upon hard work and determination, while others believe that other factors like money and personal appearance are important.

Discuss both view and give your opinion?

Many people argue that appearance and wealth are directly linked to a success. Others believe that it can only depend on virtues like hard work and perseverance. My opinion is that success goes hand in hand with consistent work and determination.

On one hand, money is seen as important, because it can provide us a good education. Since the childhood, we are constantly being told that attending a school and pursuing a secondary education are absolutely necessary in order to further succeed in life. Additionally, in our daily lives we are surrounded by advertisements promoting physical beauty, so that, unconsciously, we start associating success with physical attractiveness too.

On the other hand, plenty of opportunities in the form of government subsidies and scholarships are provided today for students, who do not possess the means to pay for their higher education, but who have been doing working hard in their academics in high schools. This clearly shows that those who are determined and who work hard are judged by their merits and not by the amount of money they have.

I strongly believe that there is a strong misconception that money and personal appearance are a path to success, because we live in a material world, where market economies demand us to consume more and more goods. However, although successful life might seem to depend on money and appearance, I believe that both of these factors are short-lasting and that only values like hard work and determination can lead to a successful life.

Some people believe that success can be achieved through big pockets and personal looks. However, others rely on values such as hard work and determination. I believe that not everything can be bought and that strong efforts and true aspirations will always be required to achieve something worthy.
Thet Oo 1 / 2  
Feb 21, 2020   #2
You respond to the question is good, but it would be more great if you could use different word or synonym for the same word. It seems to me that shortening or linking the sentence would impress the readers. Thank you!
OP serbinax 7 / 19 7  
Feb 21, 2020   #3
@Thet Oo
Thank you for your feedback, I really appreciate it. I was also thinking that when I reread my essay. I will work on my paraphrasing more.
thanhthanh96 2 / 1  
Feb 21, 2020   #4
Synonyms suggested for your academic essay:
Success = achievement, accomplishment, favorable outcome, triumph, victory,...
Hard work = endeavor, diligence, great effort,...
Determination = persistence, single-mindedness, dedication,...
Money = monetary benefits, wealth, richness,...
Personal appearance = gorgeous beauty, good-looking (adj), attractive (adj),..
Important = vital, crucial, essential,...
OP serbinax 7 / 19 7  
Feb 21, 2020   #5
Thank you very much!

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