It is suggested that adolescents should work in their spare time to benefit society

Teenagers should be required to do unpaid work in free time to help the community.

Agree or disagree

It is suggested that adolescents should work in their spare time to benefit society. However, I strongly disagree with this view and regard this idea as counterproductive.

There are many reasons why work should not be made compulsory for teenagers. Firstly, the pressure from schools is heavy enough for students to bear. Students are often required to attend classes, do homework, or revise before exams, making going to school a demanding and time-consuming activity. Therefore, there is a high possibility that students will easily fall behind with their studies if they are given a full-time job. Secondly, it is morally wrong and unfair to force people, regardless of age, doing something against their will. Unless people work on a volunteer basis, workers may experience the feeling of resentment, which results in low productivity and bad performance.

Furthermore, I also believe that young people should be given chances to explore themselves first before joining the workforce. Parents and educators should encourage young people to use free time effectively by enjoying their hobbies, such as visiting places or doing sports. These leisure activities are not only attractive to young people but also equip them with valuable life skills and experiences and may help them define their career path later on. This is beneficial for both the individual and community as they are likely to become a passionate worker in the future. Teenage years should be enjoyable because the youth have many years of working ahead of them.

In conclusion, although some work can be done in teenager's free time, it is more pragmatic to let young people decide what they want to do during their free time.

I really need help with my IELTS writing. I would be very thankful if anyone could give me feedback on my writing

For starters, the opening paraphrase and the concluding summary are incomplete presentations. These need to be in the 3-5 sentence format. It has to accurately represent the discussion topics, the reasons, and the discussion instruction. In this case, you are missing out on the proper formatting of the respective paragraphs. Remember, the opening and closing paragraphs are both restatements of the original discussion, just done in 2 different ways to show that you are capable of restating the discussion in various ways, without losing the center of the discussion.

While you gave a good reason and response in the opening paraphrase, you do not need to use an "extent" representation for the discussion. It is a mere agree or disagree essay. Use the correct format for your response because there are required response formats for each type of discussion instruction. Learn the difference and make sure to respond to the discussion instructions accordingly.

You will be able to score better in the reasoning paragraphs, deliver clearly developed explanations, and also assure yourself of a coherent and cohesive discussion, if you can manage to stick to one discussion topic per paragraph. In the reasoning paragraphs that you developed, your first line of reason is always well presented. It meets the requirements for a clearly developed paragraph discussion. The second line, usually comes across as little to no development presented aside from the discussion topic. If you cannot fully connect the two reasons using connecting sentences or phrases, you should not introduce a second topic. It will not connect with the first topic. No, numerical ordinals do not count as a connecting anything. Counting out your reasons do not add clarity of explanations to the presentation.

The second reasoning paragraph feels like a prompt deviation. You are presenting an opinion that represents what you think children should do with their spare time. You are not to discuss anything that is not included in the discussion instruction. Since your opinion is not required, only a general discussion should be presented. One that does not include a personal topic that is connected to the discussion, but is an unnecessary discussion as it is not relevant to the provided discussion instructions.

I reckon this sentence "There are many reasons why work should not be made compulsory for teenagers" should be contained in your introduction. Therefore, your second paragraph need another topic sentence which includes the main idea of this paragraph.

In addition, there are some matters with your grammar, for instance, "force people, regardless of age, doing something" must be "force people,..., to do something..."

@Holt
Your comments are meaningful to me. Yet I have several questions, hope you don't mind ^^.
1. The opening paraphrase and the concluding summary are too long with 3-5 sentences, aren't they? I have no idea what to write in the conclusion with 3-5 sentences.

2. Could you suggest me any way to connect my first and second line of reasoning, I always find it difficult.
3. Could you give me a rough bandscore of this essay? I need to know where I am right now to improve further.
Again, thanks so much for your feedback

Maybe you could try this way:

It is suggested that adolescents should work in their spare time to benefit society because of several reasons. However, I strongly disagree with this view and regard this idea as counterproductive.

The reasons why work should not be made compulsory for teenagers can be seen as follows. Firstly.......