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TED summary : The next generation of female engineers.


Jawa 11 / 17 1  
Sep 16, 2016   #1
TED summary : The next generation of female engineers.

Female engineers are the minority which only 11 per cent in the US are women. Most people think that engineers are for boys while others agree that girls are more likely to be princess. Debbie Sterling is one of female engineers in the US. When she aged 6, she was a pretty normal kid who loved ballet, drawing and riding bikes. After graduating for senior high school, she was confused to continue her study what the major she would take. Then consultation with her tutor brought her to gain a high recommendation from her math teacher to major in engineering program.

In the light of this, she went off to Stanford which was a big deal and when she got to Stanford in her freshman year, she had no idea to major in. Yet, she should give it a try as her teacher suggested so that she should love the major and wanted to do it. Furthermore, she got the biggest obstacle when her professor gave a final assignment to draw in 3D. Her boys' classmate could finish in 5 minutes and she was able to finish in a week. In front of the class, her professor said " raise your hand if you think that Debbie should pass this class". Fortunately, her lovely friend said that she would, then she studied hard. In the final assignment, she could well finish it and passed the class.

zul2805_es 7 / 18  
Sep 16, 2016   #2
Hi Jawa, let me give you some suggestions:

Female engineers are the minority whichwho are only 11 per cent in the US are women ( Redundancy, you have mentioned Female in the first line).

... engineers are for boysmen (it would be proper if you use men as formal writing) while othersand (the sentence after while has supported the sentence before it. So it's not coherence if you put while, because while is for express contradiction between the sentence) agree that girls ...

When she agedwas 6 years old, she ...
After graduating forgraduated from senior high school, she was confused to continue her study and to choose what the major ...
Then consultation with her tutor brought her to gain ...Eventually, her tutor suggested to take engineering as her undergraduate program. (just make it easy to understand).

The more we practice, the higher skills we can get. Just keep writing.
dils 20 / 33 2  
Sep 19, 2016   #3
Hi Jawa,

Here some suggestions for your writing

1. Female engineers (...) only 11 per cent in the US are women . You've been mention Female at the first, so that it is verbose to write woman again.

2. while others agree that girlswoman are more likely to be a princess.

3. she was a pretty normal kid who loved ballet. Maybe you can consider the other words, if you said that she saw a normal kid a long way ago, is it also mean that she's not normal now?

4. After graduatinggraduatedforfrom senior high school...

5. Then sheconsultationconsult with her tutor...

6. "In the light of this, she went off to Stanford which was a big ..." This is too long as one sentence, quite confusing, you may also avoid the repetition.

7. Yet, she should give it a try as her teacher suggested so ...
Yet, as her teacher suggested her choosing major that she loved.

Over all, keep writing, so you can be a good writer.

Please make an efficient sentence and reduce the redundancy.

Good luck.


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