The Survey of Electronic Commerce in Four Main Parts In New Zealand During a Decade

The pie charts reveal the different data about the percentage of four retail sectors in online sales during a decade in New Zealand. The survey was obtained in 2003 and in 2013. Overall there were four types of electronic commerce, which were in both years, only one part had more than a-third of total proportion. Those two points were online dealing of travel part and film/music area.

The more percentage of online deals was travel in 2003. It took 36 percent but decreased to 29 percent in the recent years. This overtook by the proportion of online transactions in film/music which was coming third before getting a sharp increase of 12 percent in 2013 and then became the top quantity.

Between 2003 and 2013, a dramatic decrease was seen in the percentage of selling clothes by online, from 24 percent to 16 percent. This was changed from second rank to the latest proportion in the next decade. It contrasted to the selling book which was the least in the first year but became the third after gaining addition 3 percent in the next ten years.

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Hi Hikuma..
Here is my view to finalize your writing. Meet them and tackle. Check it out.


You cannot say that it is as a survey because there is a note that all information are got from the survey. Be careful of determination wrong. Actually, you can write like this below.

THOSE ARE OBTAINED FROM CIRCUMSTANCES IN TWO DISTINCT YEARS; 2003 AND 2013.


Avoid mentioning the percentage in the overview. It is going to seem as detailed information.

This below is the offering overview.
OVERALL, IT IS IMPORTANT TO NOTE THAT THE MOST SIGNIFICANT IN THE ONLINE SALES WAS REVEALED BY THE SECTOR OF FILM AND MUSIC. IN ANY CASE, WHILE THE PERCENTAGES OF BOTH BOOKS AND THE FILM SALES EXPERIENCED A SUBSTANTIAL INCREASE, THE OTHER SECTORS DECLINED MARKEDLY.

A closer look at your body paragraph reveals that you failed to get all prompts. Keep in your mind that your job in the writing task 1 is to compare the figures, not listing the data. You managed the data safely. Actually, you have to group the data to be guided to comparisons. These below are the examples.

INITIALLY, THE FIGURE OF THE TRAVEL SUCCESSFULLY COMMANDED THIS CIRCUMSTANCE, REPRESENTING MORE THAN A THIRD OF THE TOTAL. MEANWHILE, A RECORD AS THE LOWEST PROPORTION WAS BROKEN BY THE SECTOR OF THE BOOKS WHEREAS IT STATED VIRTUALLY A FIFTH OF ALL SELLING.

Hopefully, it can help you to enhance your ability.
Keep spirit
GOOD LUCK