Number of people who cycled in 2011
Age group female / male
0-9/ 51,3 l 50,3
10-17/ 42,2 l 24,6
18-39/ 17,1 l 9,7
40-59/ 12,3 l 8,0
60+ 18,5 l 13,2
My essay:
The table describes the proportion of the population by age groups in one town who cycled in 2011
Overall, it is clear that people in age group 0-9 make up the highest percentage in both genders. By contrast, males and females in the age group 40-59 account for the least percentage.
The figures for the age 0-9 are the highest, which accounts for over half of all people. However, the percentage between the age of 10-17 is decreased to 42,2% of females and 24,6% of males.
For the next age group 18-39, the proportion of both genders continues to dropped from 42,2% to 17,1% of women compared with 9,7% of men. In 40-59, the percentage of people who cycled is lowest with 12,3% and 8,1% of women and men respectively.
At the age 60+, the proportion is rose significantly reaching 18,5% for women compared with around 13% for men
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15461 We cannot properly review your essay because there is no image attached to it. I cannot review your work for data presentation requirements and other data requirements. You did not include instructions for the discussion, which makes it more difficult to review your work. Due to the lack of instructions, I can only do a general review of your presentation.
Your essay is one word under the word count. That means, you will receive a penalty for that single missing word. Always aim to write between 175-190 words. That will allow you to increase your scoring potential while avoiding making too many presentation errors that can affect your individual scoring sections, resulting in a lower overall score.
Try to write clear sentences by using appropriate punctuation marks, in the following presentation, you need to place a comma between the words male and female. While it clears the topic of the presentation, it also helps to add to your GRA scoring consideration.
- By contrast, males , and females in the group...
As this essay stands, it cannot get a passing score. Not a 5 or anywhere near it due to other sentence structure errors, of which there are too many to post in this response.
