IELTS WRITING TASK 2: TAKE A YEAR OFF BETWEEN HIGH SCHOOL AND UNIVERSITY

In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies.
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

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Traditionally, high school students go to college immediately after graduation. However, some people believe it is better for them to work or travel for a year before starting university studies.

I think it is a good idea, which can bring great benefits to high school students. Firstly, high school graduates often have trouble in deciding what subjects to study in college because many people do not know whether a job fits them until they do it by themselves. Trying to work before choosing a major can help them make right decisions about what they really want to do in the future. Even for students who have had clear aspirations, a year of practice in relevant areas can provide them with better understandings of their majors so that their ensuing studies will be more productive. Secondly, universities are more like a real society than high schools, and college students are more likely to live independently and have more chances to socialize with different kind of people. The changes will be too great and abrupt for some students to be instantly adapted to. If they could live in the society for a while, their daily living skills and senses of responsibility would be enhanced and better equip them for university lives.

However, we cannot deny that it is risky to leave them working or travelling alone because young people are essentially inexperienced, immature and under-skilled. The dangers include contacting with bad people, developing bad habits and losing interests in studies. But I believe the drawbacks will be diminished if proper measures of instruction and protection are taken by parents.

To conclude, advantages outweigh disadvantages if young people have a break between high school and university studies, and experiences with positive influence should be encouraged since they will prepare students better for the future.

year of practice in relevant areas can provide them with better understandings of their majors so that their ensuing studies will be more productive.
Do u think "related areas" is better

Let's have a look at your prompt;


You should have aligned your intro more with the prompt ;
Traditionally, high school students attend college immediately after graduation. However, some people believe it is better for them to work or travel for an year before starting university studies. Such decisions can have both advantages and disadvantages.

There is no harm even if you stated your opinion in the intro itself although you need to talk about both side in body paras;

Although such decisions can have both advantages and disadvantages, I believe that advantages outweigh the disadvantages.

This quite understandable for me.
I suggest you to add linking conjunction (furthermore, however, moreover, etc) among the body



better you try to separate them in different paragraph

Which one is the good idea? You talked about both ideas in the introduction. So you need to specify which one is the good one;

Taking an year off between High School and University is a good idea that benefits students in many ways.


... the latter part is not well presented and therefore your flow gets disturbed. Also this sentence is a bit too long.
First, high school graduates often have the trouble in deciding what field they should pursue for higher studies. This is due to their inadequate exposure with regard to work environments and job market.