Whether taking a gap year is a reasonable idea? (help, rescue poor writting)

worth and unforgettable experience?

Recently, young people would like to take a trip or work during the gap year after graduating from high school. In my opinion, there are several advantages and disadvantages result in people hesitating whether do this or not.

Some advantages are as following. People can get more experience through the gap year. If go traveling, they can learn different culture of other countries. Plus, it is the best way to broaden their international view. In other hand, if working, people are able to accommodate the society before they become freshman. Therefore, turning more mature than their future classmate. Moreover, it will be easier to manage their relationship between others.

Though taking a gap year may help a lot during university in future, it will accompanied by some potential risks or dangerous. Unlike western countries, some parents in Asia concern about their kids exaggerate. They will be anxiety when their kids are not together with them. Furthermore, for children, it is hard to adapt a new environment in both travel or work. While, if working, they might under pressure that making lots complaining. It may have negative effect to those whose parents over concerned.

Whether to take a gap year depends on people themselves. Most important is that the experience during the year is worth and unforgettable. In addition, taking the gap year can learn something that never exist in university.

Here some correction in second paragraph
Some advantages are as followingfollows.
If go traveling, they can traveling will give opportunity to learn different ...

some sentences are not effective, please read it again

Jane, if I am not mistaken, the prompt you are responding to in this task is as follows: In some countries young people are encouraged to work or travel for a year between finishing high school and starting university studies. Discuss the advantages and disadvantages for young people who decide to do this.

Here is the thing. If this is indeed the prompt that you are responding to, then it should not have been discussed as a personal opinion essay because the prompt does not require that. It does require an advantage and disadvantage discussion, but only within the realm of public, not personal opinion. Therefore, your approach to the essay may be considered faulty and you will get scored down in the TA section. However, you will be scored properly for the rest of the sections because the essay you wrote still responds accurately to the prompt. It's just that this is not a personal opinion essay so your TA base score would be somewhere between a 4 and 5.

Hello Jane,

I found some mistakes from your essay.

Firstly, Grammar:
-learn different culture of other countries => different cultures
-In other hand => on another hand.
-If go traveling => if they go traveling-
-if working, people are able to accommodate the society before they become freshman. => if young people work, a freshman.

Secondly, Meaning:

This sentence : Though taking a gap year may help a lot during university in future, it will accompanied by some potential risks or dangerous.

=>... a lot during university in future, however, it will ...

I hope it useful.

Happy