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TOEFL ESSAY - taking jobs with high salary but risks or low salary but secure?


jessiebaojie 1 / -  
Jun 15, 2014   #1
HI, EF!
This is my fisrt time to upload my own essay. I'm really excited. Hoping that you can help me!
Thank you for your time.

High salaries with high risks of losing a job or low salary and secure job, which would you prefer?



Chasing high salary while taking a great amount of risk or satisfying a job with low payment but high security has been incentively debated over the past few years. Choosing easy and secure jobs seems to be excellent choices for the normal people. However, as far as I am concerned, it is an incredible opportunity to have a job with high salary and great risk.

First of all, resting risks on people's shoulder can help them perfect themselves while taking secure jobs cannot. Once the person notices that he might lose the job because of carelessness or mistakes, he will put more efforts into the work and try his best to perfect himself. For instance, as the manager engineer of his company, my father is paid a great amount of salaries. In order to maintain his job, he has been working really hard because he knows that once he makes a mistake, there will be thousands of engineers looking forward to taking his place. With that motivation, he is always improving his work and strengthen his ability. Only with the risk his is taking, can he becomes one of the most famous engineers in China.

In the second place, a job with high salaries can lead to a higher standard of living than a low-paid job. There are so many thing in the world that can only be done using money. Maybe some people will say that money is not the most important part of life, but, absolutely, money plays an indispensable role. For example, without the money to pay for food to full their stomach, the scientist cannot have the energy to carry on with their improvement of the technology or the creation. Without the money to buy the expensive equipments, the engineers cannot have the chance the figure out a way to make people's lives easier. Without the money to but books, children can never be educated into great people who have knowledge and can take responsibility.

Had they been lack of money, people would not become who they are today.
Last but not least, in some cases, taking risks is the irreplaceable experience to a person. When it comes to people like athletes, they are paid well but are under a great risk of hurting themselves within their movements. For instance, as the most famous snowboarder in America, Shaun White risks his life on every movements he made in the halfpipe but he never regrets. As the old saying goes, the most unforgettable feeling emerges only when risks are taking. Shaun once told the CNN News that every time he flies on the snow, he feels that his life has ominoptions. It is for sure that the feeling is unique and cannot be gained from other works.

Encouraging people to make improvements, earning a higher living standard and enjoying the unique experience are all advantages of taking jobs with high salaries and risks. In this case, the advantages overweight the drawbacks. Therefore, I would recommend people to choose jobs with risks.

dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jun 16, 2014   #2
Chasing high salary while taking a great amount of risk or satisfying a job with low payment but high security has been incentively debated over the past few years.

Well, I like if this sentence has been a bit shorter. Ideally, you should start the essay with a more interesting hook, but it is also ok to start with a sentence that introduce the background of your essay. This you should do by paraphrasing the title. However, the first sentence should be interesting and more clear.

First of all, resting risks on people's shoulder can help them perfect themselves while taking secure jobs cannot.

You have the tendency to express your ideas indirectly and in a more complicated manner. What risks? you need to specify.


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