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shennwhisper 2 / 1  
Nov 7, 2020   #1
TOPIC: New parents should attend parenting courses to bring up their children well.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

People's opinions differ as to whether or not new parents should take classes on child-rearing. Although these courses are sometimes considered unnecessary, I completely agree with the idea that those who become parents for the first time should attend parenting classes due to several reasons below.

To begin with, a great deal of advocates are inclined towards the fact that taking up classes is a good option to be well-prepared. Firstly, this would help them to overcome the anxiety of dealing with a child as they master the basics of parenting skills. For example, a woman who hasn't changed diapers or breastfed a newborn baby before would definitely feel worried about whether she can do it or not. Secondly, parenting classes could help them be ready for any emergency situations that might happen, such as choking or breathing issues. Consequently, parents will deal with their child in a composed manner and avoid making errors. Furthermore, taking courses could be the best way to create a new support system as new parents will interact with those who share similar dilemmas.

In addition, taking up childcare classes would also offer parents certain benefits. First of all, they will learn how to manage their emotions and build confidence. A clear understanding of how to bring up a child will help minimise mistakes, properly plan for every step forward, thereby keeping stress levels down. Moreover, parenting classes could help parents establish a strong relationship with their partner. To illustrate, by discussing some important questions on nurturing techniques, they could get to understand each other, which is certainly an essential aspect of a close-knit family.

In conclusion, as parenting could be considerably challenging and first-time parents need a holistic approach, I am inclined towards the view that they should take classes to take care of their infants.

Thank you so much for reading!
Nov 7, 2020   #2
Hey, they essay is well written with no easily apparent grammatical errors, kudos to you for that. I would however like to point out a couple of things that you could take a look at;

1. Using "To begin with" in one sentence and 'Firstly' in the sentence right after makes it seem less polished. Instead of 'Firstly' you could've used 'For instance

2. After using 'Firstly' you should use 'Secondly' in the next item that youre describing.
3. Getting rid off anxiety by building confidence via mock child care sessions have been mentioned twice, once in paragraph 1 and then in 2

Hope this helps
tranthilan 2 / 2  
Nov 7, 2020   #3
you pointed out too much reasons but those are not really separated making your essay less coherent
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,700 3784  
Nov 8, 2020   #4
The topic reference in the prompt does not offer any reference to these courses as being considered necessary. Do not add information to the prompt restatement. You will definitely lose points for inaccurate rephrasing of the statement. Do not add information, remove information, or give an opinion where none is required. You will receive point deductions for it. Instead of that sentence, you should have instead, added the reference to the "great deal of advocates" to your measured response. By delivering a clear discussion path / outline in your paraphrasing section, you will add to the clarity of your opinion, thus increasing your TA score, and also, offering the examiner an idea of what discussion topics will be covered in the presentation. You will definitely get a better TA score, which will automatically boost your overall score.

Your reasoning paragraphs lack proper explanation development. Do not focus on the number of reasons in your reasoning paragraphs. You should be focused on the clarity of your explanation instead. That is achieved by using a single topic sentence or subject in every paragraph. You will get a better TA score with lesser topics, but clearer explanations per paragraph.

The conclusion should have at least 2 sentences in it. You are offering a non summarized presentation in your conclusion. It is a run-on sentence that will lower your GRA score.
hathao1307 2 / 3  
Nov 10, 2020   #5
Great essay! Howerver, some supporting points seemed to overlap and further explanation per point is needed.