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Could taxation decrease fast food consumption? - IELTS - Writing Task 2


forsil 3 / 7 5  
May 13, 2018   #1
In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating too much fast food. It is therefore necessary for governments to a higher tax on this kind of food. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

higher taxes on fast foods?



In the Western World, the percentage of diseas caused by unhealthy food habits is constantly increasing. The development of fast food chains has worstened the situation, creating the need for governments to do something to solve the issue. Some people, for instance, believe that an increase in taxes for this type of food will help. However, I do not agree since there will be a scarce impact on fast food consumption.

Firstly, it is necessary to analyse and identify which are the drivers that influence the choice between healthy food and fast food. For example, people often prefer to eat fast food to save time and not to save money. Consequently, an increase in price would not affect their choice. Instead, if people could find restaurants selling healthy food, such as vegetables and fruit salads, ready-to-eat and available for take-away, they would prefer this kind of food rather than hamburgers and fried chips.

Secondly, an higher taxation on fast food would be perceived by only a small portion of population. A full lunch at McDonald, for example, costs around 8 euros in Europe and even if the government will increase the price of 20%, it will cost less than 10 euros. Also people with a low income will consider this price as affordable and in any case cheaper than the usual price for a lunch.

To sum up, I do not believe that an higher taxation on fast food will help governments in decrease disease due to the scarce impact that the change in price would have on people's nutritional decisions.

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It would be helpful if you could give me some advice on this essay

Ann777 1 / 1  
May 15, 2018   #2
Thank you for your help in my essay.

the percentage of diseas ---If you are writing a IELTS test, you have to write full words

has worstened worsened

creating the need for governments to do something to solve the issue-- It's not an academic writing (to take measures)

an increase in price would ... -- "To increase price" would be better

even if the government will increase ...--- in if-clause expressing condition, use "will" in main clause only---not 100% sure

Hope they are helpful :)
Holt [Contributor] - / 6,843 1707  
May 21, 2018   #3
Sil, you totally misunderstood the essay discussion instruction. Your lack of comprehension of the required discussion topic is such that your opening paraphrase was not anywhere near the original prompt nor original thesis. The original instruction for the discussion is:

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

Your thesis statement was: I do not agree since there will be a scarce impact on fast food consumption.

Where is the "emotional" factor in your response? Where is the "extent" of your disagreement? Why did you discuss so many opinions in the opening statement when a simple prompt paraphrase was all that was required? The mere fact that you did not manage to properly respond to the thesis question indicates that you are not yet capable of understanding English questions, much less instructions for the writing of the essay. This will not bode well for you in the actual test grading. Your prompt requirement should have been rewritten somewhat life the following:

There are nations whose citizens prefer to eat food to go. As such, this method of eating has negatively affected their health. That is why some government in the affected countries are considering placing a high levy on take out food products. I am in total disagreement with this statement for a few reasons.

You should also learn when to use "a" and when to use "an". "A" is used when the word starts with a consonant. "An" is used when a vowel begins the next word. These mistakes are serious in terms of the GRA consideration and could definitely add to the reasons you will fail the test.

Your conclusion is not a proper summary of the previously provided discussion. As such, it does not properly close the essay. Instead, I am reading a run on conclusion with an open ending. Another reason for points deductions. You know that you should avoid run on sentences because these do not help to increase your GRA score. I hope that you will not make the same mistakes in your next practice essays.
OP forsil 3 / 7 5  
May 21, 2018   #4
Thank you @Holt for you suggestion! Very helpful

The mere fact that you did not manage to properly respond to the thesis question indicates that you are not yet capable of understanding English questions, much less instructions for the writing of the essay

I fully understand English questions, however I am used to write in my mother-tongue language: we are never so direct in formal writing, using words such as "total disagreement" or going so promptly to the point. I will try to think more in English when writing IELTS essay.

You should also learn when to use "a" and when to use "an"
Regarding this point, I know the rule, however I have some difficulties with words beginning with "h"

Your conclusion is not a proper summary of the previously provided discussion. As such, it does not properly close the essay. Instead, I am reading a run on conclusion with an open ending.

Could you please be more specific about this? I am not sure to have fully understood the point of a run on conclusion: I have presented in the two paragraphs two example for which a higher taxation will not influence people's decision and I have restated it in the conclusion.

Many thanks,
S


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