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"Can TV teach people?" - Give band to my IELTS essay



maknojia 1 / 1  
Nov 9, 2009   #1
Essay Topic:
==========

Can TV teach people?

Some people say that television is a very useful tool when it comes to education. Others argue that television is a much overused, ineffective teacher.

Discuss both of these views and give your opinion as to the usefulness of television as an educational tool.

Give reason for your answer and include any relevent examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write atleast 250 words.

=== Essay Start ===

Since its invention in early Ninteen Hundreds TV has evolved from medium of entertainment to full fledged information bank. Today in the age of information and competence, TV plays a vital role in the lives of people around the world. It definitely educates people but use of TV should be controlled for young ones. This essay will describe how people benefit from TV and when the use of TV should be controlled.

In today's fast growing world, which is often referred as "Global Village", the use of TV is basic need of people, of course with few exceptions. TV provides the fastest medium of getting information. Whenever and wherever an incident happens you get the information within minutes of happening.

TV channels like National Geographic, Discovery and The Animal Planet are ones that are full of information and knowledge. They frequently show programs that contain information, which is equivalent to spent few weeks in library to gain. Such programs are not limited to specific areas, instead they cover all the fields and aspects of our world; from science to religion, from engineering to medicine or from the depth of oceans to the height of skies and universe.

Not all the information on the TV is beneficial like watching violent movies and incidents effect
children mental growth as well as behavior, therefore parents should make sure what their children are watching. In some countries a system of rating TV program has been defined, which should intimate their viewers about the content of the program and its target audience.

All in all TV provides a good source of getting information about the world, health, food, latest developments in science and medicine. But use of TV should be controlled because overuse of anything makes it ineffective.

=== Essay End ===

I would be thankful if you rate my essay and comment on its deficiencies and problems.

lke 3 / 9  
Nov 9, 2009   #2
In the first line you say "ninteen" it should be nineteen and "nineteen hundreds" should not be capitalized.

"the use of TV is basic need of people" - a basic need of people

"which is equivalent to spent few weeks in library to gain" - I think you need to rephrase that.

"Not all the information on the TV is beneficial like watching violent movies and incidents effect
children mental growth as well as behavior, therefore parents should make sure what their children are watching." - I would rewrite that sentence into two sentences and rephrase it a bit.

"developments in science and medicine. But use of TV" - there should be a comma not a period.
west 4 / 5  
Nov 10, 2009   #3
Not all the information on the TV is beneficial like watching violent movies and incidents effect(affect) children mental growth as well as behavior, therefore parents should make sure what their children are watching(is safe?...you can restructure this sentence better ). In some countries a system of rating TV program has been defined, which should intimate their viewers about the content of the program and its target audience.

Your concluding statement can be improved...Parents should pay attention to controlled TV viewing by children.


Great attempt maknojia, how soon is your exam? You are on the right track, you have excellent points, however you should pay attention to your spellings and grammar. That can improve if you read your essay aloud to yourself.
OP maknojia 1 / 1  
Nov 10, 2009   #4
What band I will get for this essay?

someone gave me 7.5 for Task 1 and Task 2 combined, but with so many mistakes I doubt i will get that high. What do you guys suggest?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Nov 10, 2009   #5
Luke and west, thanks for helping here!

TV channels like National Geographic, Discovery and The Animal Planet are ones that are full of information and knowledge. -----> This sentence is good!

This one is not quite right:
They frequently show programs that contain an amount of information that is the equivalent information that would be produced by several weeks spent in a library.

"Equivilent" is a difficult word to use!

I don't know about the band, sorry!


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