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WRITING TASK 1 of IELTS: teaching parental skills to reduce juvenile delinquency


athonyemilya 1 / -  
Apr 28, 2020   #1

The best way to reduce youth crimes is to teach their parents parental skills.


To what extent do you agree or disagree?


Many experts have proposed solutions to tackle an alarming crime rate among the teenagers. While equipping the parents with parenting techniques is an useful way, I disagree that it would represent the best way to mitigate this phenomenom.

Several reasons can explain why it is of great importance to train parental skills for fathers and mothers. To begin with, juvenile delinquency is closely associated with parents' care to their children. Because of lack of social conscience, children find it intricate to distinguish the right or the wrong as well as modifying behaviors to be appropriate. Without timely guidance and frequent observation of parents, those adolescents, therefore, can fell prey to youth crimes. Secondly, parents are, intentionally or unintentionally, the models that children are likely to follow. In fact, children tend to unconsciously imitate words and actions of adults whether they are good or bad. For example, the recent research about mental health of children shows that child who is exposed to severe, long-term and ongoing conflict between parents can become aggressive, hostile and have a thought of using violence as a method to solve problems. All of which are primary contributors to crimes at young age.

However, education at home alone is not enough on the grounds that children nowadays spend largest amount of time at school, therefore they are also being influenced by teachers and peers. From this fact, I argue that there are more effective ways to deal with this phenomenon. In terms of teachers, they should introduce education about the consequences one may face when committing an offence in the school curriculum . Practical lessons through the images and videos about harsher prison sentences and torment of offenders about criminal actions will engrave in students' mind and prevent them from embarking on a life of crime. In terms of friends, encouragement of peers are necessary for potential juvenile delinquents to cherish value of knowledge and education rather hanging out with wrong crowd.

In conclusion, although enhancing skills to educate children at home would be a welcome measure, more effective steps are required to taken simultaneously to curb juvenile offences.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,305 2863  
Apr 28, 2020   #2
The prompt paraphrase is incomplete. The more accurate way to have close that paragraph was with the first sentence of the next paragraph. So it should have been:

I disagree that it would represent the best way to mitigate this phenomenom. Several reasons can explain why it is of great importance to train parental skills for fathers and mothers.

The last sentence would have provided the discussion outline, as implied since it was not directly called for, in support of your opinion. By the way, the word is phenomenon was misspelled in your presentation. LR points deducted for that.

Improper use of an apostrophe in the reasoning paragraph. To show ownership it is written as "parent's" not "parents' ". Never start a sentence with the connecting word "because". The sentence is improperly formatted. Point deductions in the GRA section. The second reason should have its own paragraph since it is a totally separate discussion from the first reason. This is only a 4 paragraph essay. So you do not need 3 reasons. The second reason in the first reasoning paragraph made that overly long but still under explained. It did not really create cohesiveness between the two topics in the same paragraph. That is why it has to be moved down to its own paragraph. Remember, most of the task 2 essays will require only 2 reasons for the discussion, in individual paragraphs. Combining 2 reasons in one paragraph is a waste of time that could have been used editing your work.

The concluding paragraph is a run on sentence. Use the 3-5 sentence format at all times. That is the proper paragraph format for a task 2 essay and that is what will get you a better GRA score.


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