Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Juvenile delinquency - young people experience. IELTS task 2


Arundyna 12 / 16 2  
Nov 30, 2015   #1
The position of women in the society has changed markedly in the last twenty years. Many of the problems young people now experience, such as juvenile delinquency, arise from the fact that many married women now work and are not at home to care for their children.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The mischievous young generation has expanded. Proportion of females in inhabitants has shifted extremely over the course of twenty years. There is a wide range of complications such as mischief of young age, it causes high of employees on married women and mothers do not look for their children. In my personal view, i disagree if we just judge women mistake. Although womenfolk bring dire consequence, environment and friendly are the most essential one to effect of juvenile.

On the one hand, several dwellers have given reason that juvenile delinquency due to by trend of women who become workers , for that, they never have time for family particularly their boys and girls. When mothers can stay in house where they spend entire their time to teach and educate young generation with moral behavior, of course, it will create essential value for them and contributed with how they act on the environment. Not only this, women just focus on the job , even she never watches their children, therefore, it emerges detrimental effect.

On the other hand, there are the biggest reasons to support that women are not fully guilty as it causes most of the time other factors, first of all, the environment, it major constructs corrosive effect for the youth which they can involve by a rule of field around them. Other parts that often crop up is friendly which is used by inhabitant to socialize each other, this can influence the young age where they grow up in an area, as a consequence, they often establish conversation and keeping in touch with their friend.

To sum up, the juvenile delinquency is the case when the three items are not functioning properly, therefore, time management from women's career, environment and relationship between young age are rally connection with children's behavior. So we have to create stability of character for young children in their life.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Nov 30, 2015   #2
Hi Haldin..
I guess you should improve your essay, especially your reason why you disagree to this opinion. You should give strengthening at your statements. I guess you need specific explanation at example which you describe. For instance, why you said that "the children can involve by a rule of field around them", you should explain more specific. In addition, you should add a sentence at the last paragraph because you need least three sentence to make a paragraph. I believe that you have ability to explore your idea.

Overall, Good Job..


In my personal view, iI disagree if wemany people just judge women mistake.
Note: You should avoid word "We/You" and use general word like word "people".

On the one handFirstly , several dwellers have ...

When mothers can stay in house where they spend entire their time to teach and educate young generation with moral behavior, of course, it will create essential value for them and contributed with how they act on the environment. Not only this, women just focus on the job , even she never watches their children, therefore, it emerges detrimental effect(I guess this sentence has same meaning with previous sentence. I believe you can give another idea like you explain another negative effect).

... causes most of the time other factors,.fF irst of all, the environment, it major ...

So weparents have to create stability of ...


Home / Writing Feedback / Juvenile delinquency - young people experience. IELTS task 2