Teaching science at the primary school has long been marked by controversy among school staffs, particularly teachers at primary school. While some of them argue that students should study science at primary school, other beg to differ. They generally believe that students do not spend a great deal of their time to study too hard academic subjects.
On the other hand, learning science should be forced to students. Studying science is very necessary for students, because they give basic information of various majors. They can find their talents, abilities for choice the best major which they get higher education. What is more, by working hard in early age, pupils develop their skills and knowledge in life later on.
In the other hand, students should not be forced science study which is very time consuming. Therefore, students do not have a great deal of time to communicate with their peers. Their social skills do not develop considerably. In the future workforce and society, they may face the lack of self-esteem or relationships. Also, science study leads to stress and strain. Students cannot cope with a balance between education and entertainment. So, they may dislike continuing studying lessons.
In final analysis, I would like to pen down arguing that studying the sciences may lead to have a negative effects on students' attitudes towards education, so schools staffs should not push students to work hard in early age.
Dear,
you have started your body part explanation in intro.. Suggest to work more on vocabulary, linkers, words and phrases...
Anna, your essay is really all over the place at this point. Prandeep was right when he said that you started your body of paragraphs in the intro. In fact, you started the essay in the middle of the discussion. You clearly skipped the most important aspect of an essay. That of creating a proper introduction that would present the overview of the problem, sides of the issue, and then your personal opinion before launching into a prolong paragraph long discussion of your prompt. Therefore, you need to revise the introduction, making sure that this time, it follows the correct format and contains the correct information.
Your line of reasoning is also weak. Your paragraph that is supposed to support the side that believes students should study science in primary school does not really give any concrete evidence of the importance of early science learning. You were discussing learning lessons in general instead of concentrating on the lessons surrounding science alone. That made the discussion not only weak, but questionable. How does your argument apply to the science lessons? You need to justify your reason with plausible evidence either from common knowledge or personal experience.
Your paragraph in contradiction of the previous stand is also based on weak reasoning. To say that students will not have time to see or talk to their peers is not acceptable. That is because we all know that students have enough gadgets to stay in touch, and talk to one another even if they are seriously engrossed in their studies. Keeping in touch with peers is a very shallow reason to not teach science in primary schools. With regards to stress levels, isn't it obvious that all students are under stress because of the general lessons in school? It isn't only science that causes stress among students. All of their study plans cause such an effect.
Therefore, I strongly believe that you need to reconsider the content of your essay. It is not an essay that would get a very good score should you have submitted it for a grade. By revising the essay after you have reconsidered your reasons, you might be able to improve your grade on this essay topic.
I read all of your tips and try to improve my writing please give me your opinion.
It is irrefutable that which materials should be taught to students is of crucial significance to the process of education and society. It is a highly debated issue whether science study must be taught at the primary school or it is not necessary to force elementary students to study science. Both situations have their own pros and cons which I shall discuss in this essay.
On the one hand, students must study science at the primary school because of a great deal of advantages. First, for learning the science is usually harder than other subject materials including music, art and sport. By learning these subjects, students should concentrate on their lessons more, which makes students need to do hard working. Second, for learning science, students have to solve challenging problems which need to make mental algorithms in the minds. As the result of solving these problems, they get skills to solve various problems including mental, social and personal problems.
On the other hand, science study is not necessary for elementary students. Learning science needs to focus on theoretical subjects, which pupils at the early age cannot do professionally. Therefore, they cannot get a good score in these courses. And their motivations to continue their education decline considerably. Some students may give up school. In addition, teaching science needs some extra facilities such as laboratory, texts and additional teachers at the primary school. Therefore, it leads to astronomical expense of educational hubs.
In final analysis, I would like to pen down arguing that studying the sciences may lead to have a negative effects on students' attitudes towards education, so schools staffs should not push students to work hard in early age.
Anna, this is a better developed essay than the first. However, there are still grammatical errors that need to be addressed. So let me give you a helping hand in that area:
Par. 1:
It is irrefutable that which LEARNING materials WHICH should be taught to students
must be taught at the primary school LEVEL or IF it is not necessary
Par. 2:
On the one hand, students must study science at the primary school LEVEL because of a great deal of advantages.
students should WILL concentrate on their lessons more, which makes students need to do hard working.
Second, for IN ORDER TO learning science, students have to solve challenging problems which need to make mental algorithms in the minds.
Par. 3:
On the other hand, science study is not necessary for elementary students. Learning science IS A SUBJECT THAT needs to focus on
And their THEIR motivations to continue their education decline considerably.
needs some extra facilities such as laboratory, texts and additional teachers at the primary school LEVEL.
Therefore, it leads to astronomical AN ADDITIONAL expense of FOR THE educational hubs.
Par. 4:
In final analysis, I would like to pen down arguing that studying the sciences may lead to have a negative effects
push students to work hard in AT early age.