Technological advances significantly change the way we live, which includes communication

Technology has changed the way we interact with each other

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.
In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

-In just the first few years of the 21th century, we have seen the enormous development of techonogy. This is the time that advances significantly change the way we live, which includes communication. There has been raising disputations about whether technology has affected relationship between people in a positive or negative way. In fact, to be fair, I think that technology does wonders for communicating between people, as long as we know how to use it properly.

-On the one hand, there is a huge number of advantages that we can gain by using technology to interact with people. The most powerful evidence is that, in the past, mail, which used to be the most popular mean of communication, still couldn't access to some remote regions. Nowadays, in contrast, with the help of smartphone and the world wide internet infrastructure, we can keep in touch with anyone we want no matter wherever we are. Moreover, several decades before, mails used to took days at least to be delivered to the receiver. Today, via the internet, the e-mail can be sent instantly to somewhere in the other side of the Earth. Finally, another perk of technology is that it provides us a completely free mean of communication. In other words, it allows people to stay in contact with each other regardless they are rich or poor.

-However, there are also some drawbacks of changing the way we communicate with each other by using technology. It seems that technology does not actually connect people together. Take Facebook for example, it's a well-known social network with over 1 billion users all over the world, most of whom are adolescent. It seems that facebook users spend too much time on this network that they are less likely to hang out together. Facebook and many other social network sites enable us to become friends easily with other people with just a click, however, as a result, prevent us making face to face conversation. The question is, does it actually connect us together not?

-In conclusion, technology has been changing the way we exhange information with each other. There are some positive as well as negative aspects have been discussed. However, I think that the advantages outweigh the bad points, as long as we know how to use technology in an appropriate way.

(Introduction)technology

(Main Body 1)... mails used to took takedays at ...
... regardless of whether (I am not sure whether 'regradless' must connect with 'of') they ...

(Main Body 2)Facebook....
... connect us together or not?

(Conclusion)exchange

Many thanks for your corrections.
I have made some searches and I think you're right that "regardless OF whether..." is correct.
However, I think it's also OK to say " ...it allows people to stay in contact with each other whether they are rich or poor" , isn't it?

Mguyan, this is a singular opinion essay. You discussed it as a multiple opinion essay instead. So you did not understand the prompt instructions which means you will get a very low TA score for this essay. You also did not properly represent the thesis statement as a positive or negative result of technology in the modern day relationship discussion. All of these mistakes in the first paragraph of the essay lead to the improper discussion in the succeeding paragraphs. Since you did not appropriately discuss the essay, in the single point of view manner that was required, your somewhat strong discussion became void. When you do not discuss the essay in the way that the topic instruction dictates, you will get a tangential score response, which, depending upon the other elements of your presentation and the score that the remaining 3 sections receive, could result in a barely passing or totally failed test score for you.

at the beginning I was not very sure whether this instruction "In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make? " requires singular or multiple opinion.

your contribution is really useful to a newbie like me!
by the way, could you please tell me in which cases we are allowed to make a discussion about opposite opinions in Writing task 2. thank you.