Technology has encouraged many developed countries to advance space exploration

Some people argue that space exploration has had more to do with national pride than international effort.
What extend do you agree with this?

Technology has encouraged many developed countries to advance space exploration, but the number of experts argue that it is more related to national's advantages outweigh the international effort for global citizens around the world. I personally tend to think that the space exploration presents many benefits in the certain developed country such America to dominate and control all access in the outer space such information technology while encourage the global telecommunications.

America is the one of advance countries which have explored outer space to improve information technology. As a reason is to manage telecommunication system such a glide of satellite with the intention of International advantages like high technology in communication system. In 2006, the government in America, carried out a regulation which was called "National Space policy" to manage space exploration particularly in a glide satellite in the different area in the world. In fact, the regulation has become a controversial issue in the different areas which are investigating a satellite in the outer space.

The director of Russian space agency, Allan Bright, in 2009 claimed that the NSP was a politics regulation from America to prevent the number of space explorations and satellites in the outer space particularly in information technology. "It is true that the NSP is a sneaky approach from America to rule other countries out in the high investigations", said Allan. China's space explorer, Xi Shenzeou agreed with Allan's argumentation that "I do not believe that NSP is a peaceful way to command a glide satellite system for global communications. It is more closed to a monopolistic system in global telecommunications".

Clearly, the space explorations which have been done by developed countries correlate to national prides than enhance information technology in the developing countries. I would claim that America is a sample of country which has investigated the number of satellites. These prove the evidences that they focus on giving many benefits such a monopolistic in the space investigations to the national than promoting international advantages such in telecommunications.

Hi Miss Dhyla..
These are my thoughts towards your essay. Hopefully, these can help you.

... space exploration, but the number A LARGE NUMBER of experts argue (...) to national's advantages outweigh THAN the international effort ...
... dominate and control all access in TO the outer space such THE information technology while IT encourageS the global telecommunications.

America(Avoid to pick up a name in your essay because it can make you seem subjective. It is better if you mention all developed countries generally) is the one of advanceD countries which (...) to improve THE information technology.

... like high technology in THE communication system.
In 2006, the government in America, carried out [....] are investigating a satellite in the outer space.
(Honestly, you denied the prompts given in the question. Actually, It asks you to decide your position whether you agree the opinion that "The space exploration is a nation pride" or not. However, you explained the reason the country conducts the space exploration. be careful of the task responses because it decides your score. pay attention to micro keywords displayed in the statement)

Turning to the second body paragraph, your essay are free of major mistakes grammatically. However, you still missed the prompt. That is out the topic clearly. One of essential things paid is focusing on the prompts.

I really believe you can write the better essay in the next term. As many as you practice, you can master this deeply.
Keep spirit
GOOD LUCK