Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Technology has made man dumb


anmolwrites 1 / 2  
Jun 14, 2022   #1
Some people believe that technology has made life lazy and lethargic while proponents argue that it has made life easy and active.

Discuss both sides and give your mild opinion.



Technology has become the essential part of everybody life. Almost everyone has become accustomed to its advantages and efficiency. It is evident that technology has made man's life efficient and less laborious. There is no field in life which has not been benefited from technology, be it science, medicine, electronics or art etc. In science, the advance methods of procedures such as laser and chemotherapy; In electronics, the new AI devices, In IT, social media apps such as Instagram and Facebook really opened new doors for communication and entertainment. From the fans on our heads to the mobile phones in our hands, all became possible thanks to the ever-growing progression in technology.

On one side, many people believe that the rise in the popularity and usage of technology advances several new problems. For instance, most technological devices such as AI vacuums, sensor and automation devices has made life less active and reduced the physical activity of man to the lowest. According to many social media apps such as Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc. young individuals suffers from mental health problems e.g. Depression, Anxiety. These problems are all valid but not insolvable, using mobile phones moderately and taking care of one's physical health are all essential for better mental and physical health.

On the other hand, proponents believe that technology has made life easier and less complicated. Instant connections to friends and family has human feel connected and content. Social media apps like Facebook and Skype has made possible the immediate connections with faraway and abroad relatives and family. Online shopping has changed the world of economics and fast delivery services reduced the burden of commuting here and there. You can buy anything and everything from online shopping from dressing tables, electronics to grocery and medicines etc. New and less painful procedures of surgery, advance drugs, laser treatment and advance machinery, all of these were only possible because of technology.

New and innovative solutions have not only provided comfort and efficiency but it has also created a new world for job markets as Freelancing is one of the top industry in the world right now. It provides job opportunities to anyone who has any type of skill so they sell their services from the comfort of their own homes regardless of their country and habitat place. Technology has forever changed the Entertainment Industry after the explosion in the popularity of YouTube, now every kind of entertainment; International or local, is Free and on the tip of the finger of the people.

However, I believe that technology is a growing power that can improve the quality of life of humans. Our life wouldn't be this easy and efficient had it not been because of technology. Technology not only helps us in finding convenient and fast solutions but it also helps in eradicating many serious problems that are threatening to the Humanity. As it constantly improving and developing, many more aspects can be further rewarding for humankind.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 12,856 4178  
Jun 14, 2022   #2
At almost 500 words, this is no longer an IELTS essay but a class opinion paper. An IELTS task 2 essay should not number more than 300 words due to the limited time allowance for completing the response. That is what the writer should be focusing on, a simple, straightforward, easy to understand answer or opinion presentation. The one thing the Task 2 essay is not is an excessively worded opinion presentation. Keep it short, direct to the point, and understandable. That is all the task requires the writer to accomplish.

In fact, this essay does not even follow the prompt requirements for the task. There is no prompt restatement and opinion presentation in the first paragraph. The writer followed an academic paper format rather than the comprehension skills presentation scoring consideration. The discussion for the task 2 essay does not start in the first paragraph. The writer is definitely unfamiliar with the writing requirements, format, and scoring considerations of the task. He overdid it to the point where the essay will not get a passing score because of the ignored demands of the exam.

I will not review this work at this point since I cannot honestly comment on an essay that does not contain the correct writing needs of the task. I will await the next essay of this writer, which hopefully will follow the IELTS Task 2 writing standards, and review that paper honestly instead.
eimyat 2 / 2  
Jun 14, 2022   #3
@anmolwrites
I'm just informing in advance, I'm not a professional adviser. Just my opinion!!!

From my point of view, I think you can shorten the first paragraph to at most three sentences according to sample essays I have read. First one would be paraphrasing the question. Second one would be your opinion, joining with your thesis statement which might be your reasons or Second sentence can be just comparing your opinion against the opposite. if so, the following paragraphs will be 1st be opposite opinion 2ndyour choice

And finally conclusion is usually one sentence of alternative paraphrasing of question again with a little of touch up.
OP anmolwrites 1 / 2  
Jun 15, 2022   #4
@Holt
I think there is some misunderstanding here, this is not an IELTS essay! It is an ACCUPLACER essay with word limit between 400 to 600. It is for a university entrance exam.


Home / Writing Feedback / Technology has made man dumb