Technology development and education
Do you know that there are over 3.5 billion searches on the internet per day or 300 million photos uploaded to Facebook every day? Presently, we could not reject that technologies are playing crucial roles in human society including education. That is why most schools and universities all over the world are well equipped with technology devices. Technologies have a great impact on education in terms of globalization, innovative teaching techniques, and eradicate illiteracy.
The first advantage that technologies affect education is globalization. Technology education expands the boundary of study, you can enroll every course from over the world without leaving for a house. Moreover, people can access all types of information with Wi-Fi-connected devices.
The second element that pushes educational capabilities is teaching techniques. Nowadays, studying becomes more active since students can find study material themselves instead of passively perceiving knowledge only from teachers. Furthermore, technologies support teachers in preparing new material for students; they can upload it online as an alternative to handwriting.
The final factor is technology eradicate illiteracy from developing countries. Many places in the world can afford the cost of building schools for children, so they are using technology devices to wipe out illiteracy from the children.
Even though technology beneficial education in many aspects, it is frequently harmful to human health when we overuse it. Moreover, students might distract from the study when they spend too much time on technology devices. However, we can deny the importance of technology in education.
To sum up, globalization, innovative teaching techniques, and eradication illiteracy are 3 main factors that prove technologies help education to develop. Thanks to the benefits of technologies, education could cultivate further than ever.
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15385 Your discussion does not work very well. It fails to follow the prompt requirements as delivered by the original prompt:
Modern technology now allows rapid and uncontrolled access to and exchange of information. Far from being beneficial, this is a danger to our societies.To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Posing that question at the start of your paraphrase, including information that is not related to the original topic has changed the slant of the discussion. You have changed the discussion topic for the essay which will result in a failed TA score. Never pose a question in the paraphrase. Just restate the information and your response to the question provided. In this case, you failed to do that so you can expect that your essay will receive an overall failing score.
Your essay does not properly address the extent essay discussion as required. It has taken on a presentation of its own, devoid of any relationship with the original prompt. The examiner will see this and score you down because of the lack of relevant discussion in your reasoning paragraphs. Additionally, you will receive a TA markdown for being under the word count. The essay will only be scored for the parts that respond to the prompt. The parts that do not adhere to the discussion will be ignored and the same number of words will be deducted from the minimum 250 word count. An equivalent percentage will be removed from your TA score, which will prevent you from achieving a passing mark. Don't bother trying to write more than 290 words. The more GRA errors you make, the more deductions will be set into place for your final score.
Your discussion topics do not offer a completely developed response. There is a lack of supporting discussions and examples to validate your claims. While the discussion topics are good, the lack of proper thought development and discussion presentation has affected the overall presentation. Your C&C score will also not be of the passing mark type.
The main discussion point that should have been the total focus of all the reasoning paragraphs was relegated to a single paragraph, of which you did not properly explain your stance nor offer believable back-up information to prove your claim. The total essay has become irrelevant to the original discussion topic. This essay will not get a passing score.
@Holt
thank you for reviewing my essay
Since Holt has already commented extensively on your content, I'll just add a few feedback on major writing style issues:
Avoid using 2nd person and even 1st person only except for when you state your opinion. Convert the rest into 3rd person instead to maintain an academic tone overall. For eg: "Presently, we could not reject that..." >> you can something like "It is undeniable that...".
"you can enroll every course" >> 'people can...' or 'it is easier to enroll....' or 'access to enrollment becomes easier', etc.
"... to human health when we overuse it." >> 'when overused' or 'when it is overused' or 'when people overuse' will work better
"wipe out illiteracy from the children" >> this phrase is kinda awkward. You should stop at wipe out illiteracy or go with sthg like 'enhance literacy among students.' A few good paraphrases for 'wipe out' are eradicate, erase, minimize, reduce, and some of their synonyms.
"education could cultivate further than ever" another awkward phrase. I'd say education can develop or improve rather than cultivate. You can even specify what about education is improved here, like edu system, pedagogy, etc.
Finally, you should aim to have three sentences for conclusion. It's great that you specify your subpoints in both your thesis and conclusion; keep it up! And in terms of writing numbers in formal academic writing, normally for numbers from 1 to 12, you write the word out, like one, two, three, etc. From 13 and beyond people use the number, so 12 14 15 288 etc. Rational numbers, like 3.5, often stay in numerical format.
Hope these help and GL!