IELTS writing task 2: Teenage and adult life as the happiest time of lives

Some people think that the teenage years are the happiest time of most people's lives. Others think that adult life brings more happiness, in spite of greater responsibility.

Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Answer:
Some think that youth is the best time of their lives, while others argue old age was the happiest. While it is more acceptable due to exploring themselves by trying new experiences at school and career, I believe in adults enjoying life as a result of their hard work.

The happiness of youth striving for education and career is something memorable towards a successful future. Youth struggle especially with colleagues is certainly an unforgettable beautiful moment, however it will be remembered as pleasant moments for everyone. An Indonesian successful lawyer always remembers his youth as the happiest moment. During his master's and doctoral education in Australia was unforgettable moments, especially when he had challenging case projects with his colleagues such as the joyful moments when they had successfully completed it as his first international experience. I believe behind someone's success there must be the happiest moment that can't be seen by others, the struggle of youth is one of them.

The satisfaction and financial adequacy were valued strong reasons to enjoy life in old age, especially to face greater responsibilities as parents. A successful future was actually the happiest goal after the hard effort they had, failure in youth is a reason for success in the future. For instance, an Indonesian businessman namely Rico Huang got his success after several failures. Rico started his business by selling various foods, but due to limited knowledge in the culinary, finally he lost even up to 15 million in just 4 days. But then he switched to mobile phone businesses and selling them through various social media. Finally, this marketing strategy gets a positive response from market demand and ensures his old age to be a happier life.

In conclusion, many youngster enjoy their time to encourage themselves to be great people, while receiving income and enjoying old age quietly will bring more happiness. However, joyful moments depend on what makes us comfortable and happy, sometimes it doesn't matter what age it is.

Hi!
- I think that you should replace "..." with "while others argue old ages bring the most joy"

- "While it is more acceptable due to ..."
--> Personally, I will write it as: "While exploring new things at a young age can be amusing, I believe that a person may enjoy life more as an adult through achievements in his/her career."

- "is certainly an unforgettable beautiful moment, however ..."
--> beautiful moment = pleasant moment, therefore "however" is a wrong linking word.

I think that overall, you should practice generating more logical and persuasive arguments.

Best regards.

The justification paragraphs are not properly formatted. While you did good work in referencing second person pronouns, you should not have attached a single liner personal opinion at the end. Your personal opinion should be presented in one of two formats:

1. As a strongly developed part of the public point of view discussion ;
2. As a separate paragraph composing the 3rd presentation in the essay.

It is always better to present that personal point of view as a stand alone paragraph so that you can clearly and completely support your point of view with valid reasons and example presentations. Based on the complete reading of your essay, it appears that you did not fully explain nor present your personal opinion. Since that completely developed presentation is missing, you will have a reduced score as you failed to completely develop all discussion points as indicated in the original prompt.