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The teenagers are frequently paticipating as a part of the working for community developments



IvanMS027 43 / 28  
Nov 28, 2016   #1
Adult youths are often called up for working for the development of communities. Do you think they should work voluntarily or should they get paid? Give your opinion

The teenagers are frequently called to make a part of the working for community developments. There are some opinions that they should get the money for what have they done. I believe that work without being paid can be good for them, and this essay will first discuss getting paid for community is not reasonable then present that working voluntarily can form a good working behavior for adult youths.

Some people believe that older-young generations should be paid for working on development of community. It is not reasonable since they work for charity. There is a statistical result conducted by International Statistical Institute (ISI) in 2015, which told that almost 74 percent of 120 nations on where the surveyed did not pay their youth, especially on community developments. Furthermore, the survey also gave the reason that paying them at this stage of age forms their mind to become money oriented. This is the reason why they are not paid of their work.

However, working voluntarily can form the mind to work based on quality, not based on money, which has been proved by Mr. Fujinoma Satoru from Kyoto University. in other words, this is the right time for them to not only expand their skills but also know more their neighbors around them. This can directly increase their way to act properly with them, which can be useful in the future.

All in all, for above-mentioned points, I believe that it is non-sense for youths who are popularly believed as the starting point to expand their capability to be paid for charity. Thanks to working voluntarily, the older-young generations are able to explore more about the skills they should have and pour to the community as well.

(287 Words)

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 15466  
Nov 28, 2016   #2
Ivan, for starters, there is no such thing as "older-young generations". Either you are a part of the older generation (your parents or older) or you are part of the young generation (anybody under the age of 21). You cannot be both. Make sure you use the correct terms in your essays because you are also scored on lexical accuracy so these terms could make the difference between a high or low score in the actual test.

In your opening statement, you also present a hanging sentence by saying " discuss getting paid for community is not reasonable..." Always use the complete term. In this case it would be "... paid for community SERVICE..." This will be part of your grammar accuracy and range score. Improperly developed sentences such as these will pull back the final score of what would have been a very well developed essay on your part. Next, "on where they were surveyed" should be "who were surveyed..." Really, these simple errors on your part have grave effects on your final score.

Let me tell you something that I seem to keep finding myself repeating to the students here. Don't use complex words, terms, or sentence structures if you are not sure that you can present those information properly. Don't risk receiving a lower score based upon forced errors when you can get a passing score based on simple, correct, and acceptable writing.


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