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Teenagers should not only watch the TV program, but also take responsibility to practice the sport


somasalims 15 / 27 5  
Feb 7, 2015   #1
In many part of the world there is continuous coverage of sport on TV. Some people believe that this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

In recent years, lots of sport programs have appeared in some television channels over the world. This trend causes other people to think that the programs discourage teenagers to get involved in a sport themselves. Although these thoughts have different perspectives, I firmly argue that both opinions result in some effects to juveniles.

It cannot be denied that a few television stations provide much information and news about sports so as to improve people knowledge. Kompas Sport, a sport series in Indonesia, shows audio-visual news not only about sport events which are in Indonesia, but also all around the world -international sport events-, for example. As a result, people (including the young) who watch the series will understand more about sports. All in all, sports become essential for them in the light of important information which is given by TV channels.

On the other hand, many people strongly argue that sport series on screen discourage the young to join any sport themselves as they just watch the programs all the time. Taking World Cup, the biggest football competition in this planet, as an example, it is appeared on virtually TV channels and almost whole day, and it attracts much attention of many people widespread, especially young people. Therefore, they spend much time to watch the program and lack of time to get involved in a sport. To sum up, this can affect juveniles habit, sport in particular, every time.

In conclusion, it is evident that the condition causes several affects (positive or negative) for young in spite of different views. It is imperative that teenagers should not only watch the program, but also take responsibility to practice the sport because they will not understand more, unless they exercise directly.

Vns9x 102 / 236 16  
Feb 7, 2015   #2
You are being asked to disclose your opinion! Therefore, there should one more in your conclusion.
Hope that was helpful!
fadlanmuzakki 15 / 49 36  
Feb 9, 2015   #3
Hi Somasalim,
I have same comments and suggestion for your essay.

grammatical issues

lots of sport programs

"Lots of .." is good idea to express things in a large number while I do not think that such a expression is a formal word for IELTS essay or academic writing. Therefore, I suggest you to change " lots of..".

I firmly argue that both opinions result in some effects to juveniles.

Have you checked your dictionary whether "to" is collocate or not with "effect"?

Kompas Sport, a sport series in Indonesia, shows audio-visual news not only about sport events which are in Indonesia, but also all around the world -international sport events-, for example

I know that you want to make your sentence becoming more different by putting "for instance,", but I don't think that it will be a good option on IELTS essay. However, I have found many samples in newspapers like what you have written above.

that sport series onscreen discourage the young to join

you need an article here, a screen or the screen.

and almost whole day ,

I think it should be plural after "whole". However you can give me a prove when you have evidence.

it attracts much attention of many people widespread

"of" is inappropriate as it is not collocate with attention. it should be on or to . Moreover, you can use "of" if the pattern like this "....for the attention of ...."

for young

You need a noun here because young is an adjective, except you put article "the".

flows and ideas

In recent years, lots of sport programs have appeared in some television channels over the world. This trend causes other people to think that the programs discourage teenagers to get involved in a sport themselves. Although these thoughts have different perspectives, I firmly argue that both opinions result in some effects to juveniles.

As a matter of fact, I am confused about your introductory paragraph inasmuch as your thesis statement said that "both opinions" but in your first paragraph, you just wrote one opinion and then you state that "both opinions". However, the question does not state that there are two opinions while I suggest you that you should raise other statement to make your introductory paragraph becoming discussion. Thus, here my version for your introductory paragraph :

Screen entertaining devices have made a profound influence on juveniles. Thanks to such a fact, young people are affected by television programs which they see inasmuch as television most nearly represent a real experience of most youth generations throughout the world. This situation has generate a great deal of discussion as sports programs in TV has affected young people to do sports activities. Some multimedia analysts argue that young people are more likely to leave physical exercises as the popularity of sports programs are increasing. However, a group of former athletes have taken against the argument in that they think it can encourage juveniles to do more sport activities. I am of opinion, there are many factors which discourage young people to do sports such as lifestyle, video games, and their study.
Anfalia 40 / 56 23  
Feb 13, 2015   #4
TakingTake World Cup

you do not need to change it to Gerund as a subject

this can affect to juveniles' habit

causes several affects

effects
affect is verb

Keep spirit. Good Luck! :)


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