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IELTS Writing Test - Does the coverage of sport on television discourage teenagers from exercise?


Nancy Huang 1 / 1  
Mar 30, 2018   #1
Hi everyone,
I'm going to take IELTS on Apr. 14th so could anyone help me to correct my article? Any comments will be highly appreciated! Thank you in advance!!

IELTS Writing Task 2: In many parts of world there is continuous coverage of sport on television. Some people believe this discourages the young from taking part in any sport themselves. Discuss this view and give your own opinion.

sports on tv instead of real physical activities?



Nowadays, in most countries, there are plenty of TV channels including sports, entertainment programs etc. More and more people prefer watching sport programs on television. However, some adults view it as discouragement for young adults from participating in sport in person.

Teachers and parents worry that watching TV sport programs wastes great amount of time from children and teenagers staying at home, which causes that children and teenagers are not active enough. In order to have common topics to chat with their friends, young adults might spend more time watching sport competitions. However, watching sport programs is the method which make them release the pressure from schools, such as do well on school exams. Other than releasing pressure, more and more educational sport programs to teach the teenagers how to do exercises correctly.

Based on my observation, the teenagers in my neighborhood take part in different kind of sports, such as basketball, football, baseball and so on. Many of these young adults are inspired by sport stars on TV. Therefore, they practice sport often with their friends to emulate their idols. Compared with the teenagers, adults take part in sports less than the young generation does. Plenty of the office workers usually spend more time on TV competitions instead of participating in sports in person after they get off from work. Not being sweaty and exhausted, the adult tend to watch sport programs at home as if they also participate in sports and they can discuss the sport races with someone else.

In conclusion, although there are more and more TV sport programs broadcasting, which are considered to be discouragement for young generation from taking part in exercises, from my point of view, this argument does not generally apply to young people.

(292 words)

kikiyiu 5 / 12 2  
Mar 30, 2018   #2
You need to state your standing point in the introduction

However, watching sport programs is the method which make them release the pressure from schools, such as do well on school exams.
Doing well is not a pressure, and it is pressure at/in school will be better than from school.
abang yoga 3 / 7  
Mar 31, 2018   #3
This corrections might be useful ;

This is suggestions ;
discouragement from / to young adults
the pressure in / on schools
Based on my observations
more time for / of TV competitions
discouragement from / to young generation of taking ...
Grammar check ;
watching sport programs are the method
which makes / made them release
Compare with ...
the adult tends / tended to watch ...


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