TV ads and kids
There is a great debate about that television advertising towards children from two to five years old should not be supported.Personally, I believe that televion has bad impacts on children at two to five ages. In this essays, I will point out two reasons why television advertising has bad effects on children from two to five years old.
First of all, children at this range of ages cannot differentiate which is real in ad ertisements on TV. It is really dangerous if children believe virtually what the see from the scenes. To prove bad impacts of television advertising, I have an example about my cousion at the age of four. When he is four years old, he had to go to the hospital because his belief in advertisement. After watching an advertisement on TV, he totally believe that drinking a kind of medicine could improve his strength and allow him to fly like a superman. Therefore, after drinking this drug, he jumped from the high chair and had a serious pain. This example can prove that it is dangerous that advertisements make children believe in something that is not realistic
Secondly, at this ages, children are dificult to refuse the attraction from advertisement. Therefore, children will have many unreasonable demands from what they see on television.For example, when children see many different types of impressive toys on TV, they are not able to deny the desire of owning those toys. Because industry is strongly developing, the toys which are more creative are produced. Therefore, toys are now are more attractive with childrend. Their parents will be diffcult to allow all of their desire.
In conclusion, we should not permit television advertising towards children from two to five. This is because the bad effects on children of those advertisemnts
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Hieu, you were not careful at all while writing this essay. You have more than 7 spelling errors in this presentation that show how you disregarded the LR and GRA scoring criteria. You would have received very low scores in the LR section alone as you obviously did not care to connect the word spelling with the meaning and word usage in every paragraph. You will be luck to have gotten a close to passing score based on your English word usage in this essay.
Your GRA scores would have also received a failing mark based on your grammar misrepresentations in this work. Your essay has noun-phrase disagreements in relation to singular and plural discussions. Remember "this" is the singular for "these". Say "In this essay" because you are writing only one essay, not a series of essays (note the plural form usage) based on a single topic. Please, before you take the test, familiarize yourself with subject-verb agreements, singular - plural relationships, as well as tense usage. Those are your weakest points with regards to GRA concerns.
Now, without knowing what the actual prompt is for this essay (provide that next time), I cannot advise you beyond this point. I believe that these writing errors should be more than enough to help you improve your skills when it comes to your next practice essay anyway. Hopefully, you will remember to provide the prompt next time so I can better analyze your work and offer relevant advice.
Hi, I have to say that i like your essay in the way that i even can't explain clearly. It is easy to follow and has logical reasoning. Your example about your cousin is quite interesting and so convincing that it supports your topic very well.
Your essay is quite different with most of essays i have known because you don't place your topic sentence at the opening of each body paragraph, instead, at the end. Writing in this way causes no problem for your first body paragraph because you organise your ideas very logically.
However, when it comes to second paragraph, it seem to be not as well as the first. I guess that your main idea in the second may be : " The advertisement are so attractive that children are difficult to refuse the desires of owning all which can waste their parents a lot of money ''. Personally, i think that if you open with this topic, instead of dividing it into 2 parts and putting each part at the end and opening of the paragraph, your essay will be better.
Moreover, your opening paragraph has the problem repeating the expression "children from two to five years old" 3 times, which can lose your Lexical Resource points. You can avoid this by replace with " they ", " these" or " this group of children".
I hope my personal opinion will be helpful!