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There are ten series of action in the process of chocolate production

Linda91 30 / 40 3  
Feb 5, 2016   #1
The diagram presents the process of making chocolate. It can be seen that there are ten series of action in the process, beginning with the pods on cacao trees and ending in the production of chocolate.

First, the chocolate comes from cacao tree, which is grown in three countries. They are south America, Africa, and Indonesia. After the cacao is ripe and red, the pods are harvested and the white cocoa beans are removed. Afterwards, next process is beans fermentation, which is followed by spreading the beans in sun so they can dry under the sun. Subsequently, the beans are put in large sacks, and then transported by train or truck to the factory. Beans are roasted at a temperature of 350 degrees. Following that, beans are crushed and they are separated from their outer shell. Finally, in the final stage, the inner part is pressed and the chocolate is produced.

Arundyna 12 / 16 2  
Feb 5, 2016   #2
good job...

its my first sentence, perhaps you can make comparison

An explanation of process for the making of chocolate divided into several steps is elaborated in the char. overall, it can be seen that there are a total of ten stages in the process, beginning with the growing of the pods on the cacao trees and culminating in the production of the chocolate.

there are little mistake, but overall, excellent.

They are south South America, Africa, and Indonesia.
Afterwards, IN THE next process is beans [...] spreading the beans in THE sun so they can ...

Following that, THE beans are crushed and ...
Finally, In the final stage, the inner part is ...
vangiespen - / 4,137 1449  
Feb 5, 2016   #3
Linda, you need to do a better job of summarizing the information at the beginning of your essay. A properly developed summary overview ensures that it is, at the most, 5 sentences in length. You are supposed to prove that you have the ability to develop an informative report in English, making it short in order to avoid making mistakes does not count towards a good score in the actual test. For that purpose, the longer your paragraph is, provided it makes sense, the better the grade you will be considered for in the end.

Now, as for the rest of the essay. You did not actually do a good job at all. You are supposed to present a minimum of three paragraphs in this report summary and yet, I see only 2 badly formatted paragraphs. Your second paragraph could have been divided into two paragraphs to better suit this purpose.

At this point, it seems like you are not familiar with the method by which these report essays are to be developed. I strongly suggest that you look at the other examples that can easily be found in this forum and use those as part of your tutorial samples. That way, you will quickly learn how to properly develop and write these essays.

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