IELTS WRITING TASK 2: TENDENCY TO BE SELF-EMPLOYED.

Nowadays many people choose to be self-employed, rather than to work for a company or an organization.

Why might this be the case? What could be the disadvantages of being self-employed? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. Write at least 250 words.

MY ESSAY:

These days, more and more people have a propensity to be self-employed instead of being employees of any corporations or organizations. There are several possible reasons for this case and we cannot deny some certain drawbacks of this development.

To commence with, there have been a number of reasons for people choosing to have their own business. Firstly, people nowadays are getting more and more initiative, thus they do not want to be followers but leaders. Since being self-employed can give these individuals chances to take the initiative, they opt for building up their businesses and becoming owners. Take the example of my uncle, after having been turned down several times for a position in a company that he applied to, he went for building up a company of his own and his enterprise made a great success. Second, many people especially the young would prefer to challenge themselves by becoming freelancers in many facets of work. It is undeniable young persons could possibly perform their best potential when being independent in their work.

Nevertheless, this trend could bring people unexpected disadvantages. To begin with, if one does not have enough necessary to be self-employed and keeps moving on with this path, they could be more prone to failure. Some latest published research has shown that a high rate of young people's own businesses went bankrupt due to lack of experience. Additionally, in order to be self-employed, one needs to have a stable financial basement in advance, thus people need to be well-prepared for this decision, which requires a lot of time.

In conclusion, the tendency to be initiative and to experience challenges in work prompt people to be self-employed. However, this development can bring people some drawbacks about unwanted failure and expose them to the financial burden.

(299 words)

The writer has a bad habit of over extending his paragraphs by regularly using sentence fillers for the first part of his paragraph presentation. This is a negative practice that, although it increases the word count, does not add substance to the actual content / meaning of the writer. Due to time constraints, it is better that the writer focuses all of his energy in the proper development of his ideas, rather than beating around the bush.

In the second paragraph, he not only uses useless sentence fillers, but he also created an underdeveloped 2nd reasoning in the presentation. The latter causing deductions in the C+C score of the paragraph. Had he not wasted time introducing the paragraph twice, he could have better developed and connected his second reason fo the first reason in the paragraph. This is a situation that was repeated in the third paragraph due to the same reasons.

His preliminary TA score will also suffer since he did not offer a summary of discussion points / thesis statement in the first paragraph. The direct responses to the questions would have been used to score his opinion accuracy and relevance to the discussion. Basically, the writer wrote a lot of words, but failed to perform as the task scoring requirements expected him to. As such, I do not have much confidence that this type of writing will earn him a good overall, final score in an actual test.

In your third paragraph, when you said " to begin with, if someone does not have enough" This statement seems incomplete and unclear, enough what? experience or finance? it should be stated from the onset if your argument about failed self owned business is based on experience since you talked about business going bankrupt due to lack of experience.