[IELTS task 1] Three bar graphs - British album buyers

The graphs below show the types of music albums purchased by people in Britain according to sex and age. Write a report for a university lecturer describing the information shown below.

--> What would be the best way to split data? I did it this way:
body paragraph 1: gender comparisons
body paragraph 2: age comparisons

Here is my answer:

statistics for music sale in britain

The given bar charts provide data regarding the proportion of British music album buyers across gender and age. In general, while the patterns of Pop and Rock music bore a striking resemblance to each other, that of Classical genre was reversed.

As illustrated, a sales record of around 28% revealed that Pop and Rock music were mostly purchased by men. This number was smaller for women(18%). However, in reference to Classical music, both sexes appeared to be far less interested, with a share of just below 10% for males and approximately 3% less for women.

When breaking down the data further, it was clear that the statistic for Pop and Rock music, in terms of age, was also on par. Specifically, adults between 16 and 34 represented the great majority of Pop and Rock albums purchasers in Britain, with the 25-34 age group slightly ahead. Overall the contributed more than two-thirds of recorded sales. This was followed by those aged 35 and above. In contrast, at the other end of the age spectrum, British over 45 years old were the heaviest buyers of Classical music, occupying 20%, compared to merely around 8% of the other two genres. Purchasers in the 35-44 age bracket accounted for a minor proportion of 3%, yet still doubled that of those between 16-34 which was classified as the least significant buyers of Classic music.

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Giang, there is no right or wrong way of splitting the data. You are not being judged on presentation of information. You are judged on analysis and relevance of shared information. If you feel that the method you used was the best way for you to represent all of the information, then that is your prerogative. This is a report, so all of the data required for presentation in a report must be present.

In your essay, the missing element is the measurement type and the criteria by which the measurements were done. These would be indicative of the age and gender survey information that was collated for the graph. In your opening statement, the last sentence should have revealed the type of discussion format that the instructions provided because you are writing your summary overview. Therefore, the outline of the discussion, including the discussion type must have been presented in the report. Otherwise, the thesis statement for your report becomes incomplete.

You did a pretty good job on this report as far as I can tell. It is impressive and informative to a large extent. The parts that I mentioned as missing from your report were negligible and should have resulted in a lower than expected score, but not in a way that would affect the decision as to whether you would pass or fail this test.