IELTS Writing task 2 topic: connection of news to people's life

Essay: Some say that news has no connection with most people's life and it is a waste of time for most of us to read newspapers and watch television news programs.

Do you agree or disagree?

News importance is an issue which has many's the time generated a myriad of controversial debates. Whilst there is a school of thought which contends that current affairs are irrelevant to people's lives and it is such time down the drain watching news, I would be convinced that keeping posted with the news is not so purposeless as some certain individuals suppose.

To begin with, from my perspective, following the news has brought about numerous advantages to every civil. Firstly, gaining information from official sources is attributable to raise residents' awareness of prelevant events. Take COVID-19 as a stark example, with the proper guildline along with the up-to-the-minute national reports, the death toll can be kept at the minimum and citizens are armed with fundamental knowledge to remain safe. Nevertheless, phenomenon of watching information program is likely to facilitate forming comprehensive viewpoints about everyday issues such as politics, science or economy. Not only can news readers have their own stance when judging any angles but they also more topics to discuss with friends in daily talks.

On the other hand, it is true to some extend that a minority of news is loosely associated with human life . Specifically, celebrities' scandals, which are not crucial in citizens' lives are sometimes overly paid a great deal of attention to. However, this kinds of news could serve as a form of entertainment.

Given to this argument, I oppose dimissing news as an unnecessity, thus it is strikingly evident that official broadcasters invariably have a profound influence on humanity.

Just few suggestions:

The last sentence of the second paragraph: Not only...but they also more....
-I think the later part of the sentence miss a verb: but they (news readers) also have more....

The first sentence of the third paragraph: an extra space before the period.

You seem to be addicted to using apostrophes in your presentation. You are using it at every turn, every chance you get. Please review the apostrophe usage rules. It is only used in several instances:

- To show ownership in a word
- To show the plural form of a word (not at all times)

Some people seem to think that the constant use of an apostrophe will make a word automatically plural. That is an incorrect belief. You can use it in contractions ( although not suggested in academic writing) and when presenting possessive nouns. There are still several other times when you should use and not use the apostrophe, but then this review is not just about the use of that punctuation mark. Kindly review your punctuation lessons to get a better understanding of how to properly use that punctuation mark.

Since this essay is a personal point of view response, there is no need to indicate, "From my perspective" or, if you want to use that line, then do not say "To begin with" as that is an unnecessary word filler. Just use a topic sentence at the start. It adds clarity to your presentation.

Good work on using Covid -19 as an example in this essay. It shows that you are clear about the topic presented and what examples can best support your opinion. That will help you score well. Bad job on suddenly changing from a single opinion defense to a comparative discussion. Since you were not asked to compare both points of view, there was no need for you to do so. This will lower your scoring potential because you altered the discussion instruction from the original .It is quite possible that this paragraph will result in a word count deduction since it is not related to your original stand, thus making your essay come in under the word count, and possibly limiting your chances of passing the test.

Never use a single sentence for your conclusion. You must always use a reverse prompt statement:
- Topic
- Reasons
- Personal opinion